Matt: Yeah.

Why did I start talking about chewing gum

Alison: I don't actually remember.

There was something, there was
something happening in your brain

that was chewing gum adjacent.

Um,

Matt: Okay.

Okay.

Uh, hi Alison.

Alison: Hi Matt

Matt: Welcome to ADHd20, a podcast
where we find the intersection between

Alison: ADHD

and TTRPGs.

Matt: This is one of my favorite
times, but I'm a little nervous about

today because you have a topic that
you came up with five minutes before

Alison: Yep.

Up

Matt: And that's fine.

See, the, the, the premise this
podcast, which we never want to

lose is it, is that we wanted this
thing to be an honest conversation.

We wanted this to be a learning
experience and so and so forth.

Alison: But first

Matt: But first...

Alison: I'm really proud of
myself for one thing first.

So we, we, we, already have our mainstay
of the d100 table, and last week,

I introduced a new topic and pondered if
we would remember to do it ever again.

So here we are, second week in a row.

I'm gonna bring this topic up.

Matt, what did you hyper
fixate on this week?

And if you need a minute to think
about it, I can tell you mine,

Matt: Yeah!

Alison: But it does require
that I eat a little bit of crow.

confess out loud into the world listening
that I was wrong about something.

Is that, what does that sound crows make?

I don't know.

I don't,

I don't know.

Uh, the year was 2020 a television
show hit streaming opportunities

worldwide and the world fell in love
the world except for one Alison Leigh

Kendrick, who staunchly doubled down
on how much she didn't like Ted Lasso.

Matt: Mm.

Alison: And with some gentle
prodding of some friends, I was

encouraged to give it another shot
that maybe my initial assessment

in season one wasn't the right one.

So I have given Ted Lasso another shot
and I am deep in the throes of season two.

I think I've got one or two episodes left.

Matt: Okay.

Alison: It's so good.

I understand why everybody loves
Ted Lasso and I'm so sorry for

the last three years of being a
contrarian and telling everybody no.

And I feel like that has
opened some other doors for me.

I have been very purposefully pushing
myself into, let me try something new.

Let me try something new.

So I think that Ted Lasso is the
micro hyper fixation, the macro hyper

fixation is, I'm trying new shit, man.

I'm, I'm, I'm, I am.

So throw your new things at me guys.

Matt: I love it.

I love this.

I love this.

Full Glow-Up.

Can we change it Glope?

Alison: That sounds very sexy.

Sure.

Matt: Glope.

Alison: So that, that was
mine vamping for time.

What did you hyper fixate on?

That you were on vacation this week.

You were not at home, you
turned another year older.

Wiser.

Matt: Mm-hmm.

Alison: Sexier.

Matt: Well, thank you.

Thank you.

I feel a little sexier.

Let's see, what did, what
did I hyper-focus on?

I know what I hyper-focused on.

Alison: Okay.

I can't wait.

Matt: Right.

So my friend Katie, who is the person
that lives in Seattle that we went to

visit and we stayed at her beautiful
home in West Seattle, and got to spend

five days with her where she wined
us and dined us, took us to all these

amazing places, like the best sushi
I've ever, ever eaten in my life.

She really, you know, she loves
her city and it really shows.

She has an adorable nephew that at eight
even younger five, is obsessed with vacuum

cleaners, which automatically makes him

Alison: One of your favorite people.

Matt: Yeah.

Immediately, I support that every level.

And his aunt asked him, what vacuum
cleaner should I buy for my new house?

And she showed me the she showed me
the incredible review that he gave.

I This beautiful review of
the Miele German made vacuum

cleaner, extremely expensive.

She was able to find one for less.

Alison: Nice.

Matt: I went balls to the wall
with this super powerful German

vacuum cleaner, and I went nuts.

Alison: Of course you did.

Matt: I was exhausted afterwards,
the entire house, top to bottom, just

every little crevice I could find.

And it was fun.

It was very fun.

Alison: If you added a hot dog
pizza to that day, that would

be like Matt's best day ever.

Hot dog pizza, some D&D
and hardcore vacuuming.

He's a simple man, my friend Matt.

Matt: I'm a, I'm a
simple and strange man...

and many, many people you
know, point this out.

There's something about vacuum cleaners
and the process of cleaning a house that

is so meditative and relaxing and for me.

Alison: All right.

All right.

Enough, enough, enough vacuuming.

Matt: We've got lives to lead.

Alison: Um, yeah.

So today I am rolling with my, uh, these
are my Cora dice that Fitz, uh, gave

me for Christmas, and I just love them.

They're from Dispel Dice.

They are sharp edge and sexy as hell.

They've got little, they've got
little waves on 'em from my,

my beautiful little sea elf.

How about a 93?

Matt: Ooh, 93.

Okay, here we go.

Alison: Okay.

Matt: Speaking of Dice Alison,

Alison: Ooh.

Matt: If you were to commission a set of
personal dice, what would they look like?

Alison: Oh, There are just so many ways
that could go, oh, my brain is breaking.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

I can do this.

My most favorite dice have some
kind of in like inclusion in them.

So I love the ones that have like the,
it's like almost like a cellophane or

like Micah chips and things like that.

So if I were to commission,
okay, here's what I would do.

First of all, they would
be purple and gray, because

those are my signature colors.

Second of all, they would, I would want
an inclusion of my favorite thing inside.

Which would be D&D dice.

So I want a set of D&D
dice with D&D dice inside.

Matt: Inception.

Alison: Yeah.

Dice-ception.

Matt: That's fun.

Alison: I'm proud of myself for coming
up with that answer that quickly on

the fly, cuz that is a Fitz question
I, I had never thought of before.

So, thank you Fitz.

Matt: That's difficult.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm rolling.

This looks like four.

Alison: Wow.

What's something that
you're kind of a snob about?

Just, just one thing, Matt.

Matt: That's, come on, man.

Talk about difficult questions.

Alison: I know.

I'm so glad you got this
question and not me.

Matt: Come on.

Alison: Everybody's favorite hipster.

Matt: What am I not a snob about?

Alison: That's true.

Know thyself.

Matt: I just like nice things.

I appreciate artistry in all forms, I,
really, I really can't stand mediocrity.

Now, look, I will get all up into
a box of Kraft macaroni and cheese.

Okay?

So I'm not saying I don't have my redneck
elements, my my common man elements.

However, okay, I can do this.

I kind of wanna ask you what
I'm the most snobby about

Alison: I would say the first thing
that came to mind was your coffee.

You're the first person that taught
me there is a precise temperature

and, uh, grind to water ratio.

And because of that I
always make coffee that way,

Matt: That's pretension rather than...

right?

Because I'm, I am
pretentious about it, but

Alison: All right, so language then,
because you're now correcting the

thing that I said, you're snobby
about by saying, well actually

that's pretentious, Alison.

Semantics.

Matthew

Matt: No, no, no, no, no.

Alison: I mean, the jokes just
write themselves on this show.

They're

Matt: They're just ready to go.

No, that's not right either.

Alison: Okay.

The other thing would obviously
be something technology adjacent,

Matt: That's it.

Windows.

Windows Android.

Alison: Yeah, yeah, yeah,

Matt: I'm extremely
aggressively snobby them yeah.

Alison: Yeah.

Matt: I am aggressively snobby
about those operating systems.

I will go on diatribes about what
I feel Windows, what is it, 11 now?

And just again, again, an incredible
state of mediocrity, It's just living

in an incredible state of mediocrity.

Alison: Oh, my God.

Matt: So I will be very snobby.

I will make, I will dive
into the ADHD tax for it.

I will do anything I can to
not use a Windows machine.

So that's that's pure snobbery.

Good job.

Love it.

Alison: Know thyself or ask Alison.

Matt: This is the best podcast ever.

Okay.

Okay.

How much, how much more can
I learn about myself today?

Alison: Let's go.

Well,

well, funny you should bring it up, Matt.

Let's get into the meat of this.

Okay.

Matt: Let's get the meat of this topic.

Alison's got something to say me.

Uh, should, should I try
to wind it up a little bit?

You came to me five minutes before
we started this podcast and said,

I think that we should talk about
our Sunday D&D session in Barovia.

Because something happened during
that game that caused great

feelings, and I would like to discuss
it with you live on a podcast.

And the thing that happened was
your character named Chimerical

was killed in the game during
a a all out drag out fight.

Your party, decided to take on
an entire camp full of Vistani.

Mm-hmm.

They're, they're sort of an evil
ish group you were trying to

rescue your friend Willem from
imprisonment, and it just went south.

Alison: Hoodog!

Matt: It was a trap.

They set the trap, you walk into the
trap, you trigger it, and really you,

you kind of had to fight your way out.

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Matt: But this is an enormous camp full of
humans you kind of had to smash through.

And the Vistani overwhelmed Chimerical
and basically beat her to death.

That was the setup.

Now what, what would you
like to talk about today?

Alison: I feel like you feel like I've
called you into the principal's office.

Matt: I do.

I do.

I do.

Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh.

Well see.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay, Ms.

Kendrick, here's the thing though.

I was just like doing my
thing and then, then Billy

Alison: So let me, let
me add a little bit more.

Um, so everything that you just said is
correct as far as like the in-game setup.

The, the setup for why I thought this
would maybe, and listeners of ADHd20,

please feel free to let me know if,
if this feeling is to the contrary.

The reason I thought this might make
for an interesting podcast episode is

because this episode is falling directly
after last episode where we were prompted

to talk about what makes a safe space
for the neurospicy in game and in life.

And one of the points that Matt and I
made collectively in that episode was

around how we deal with conflict, both in
game and in life, you know, and we kind

of both like, hey, let's, let's, let's
calm it down and then come back later.

So I thought that this could
be, there isn't any conflict

between me and Matt as friends.

Let, let me just go ahead
and blanket statement that.

Um, but I do have questions and
feelings about what went down,

Matt: Mm-hmm.

Alison: On Sunday with, so
Chimerical is the character

I've been playing the longest.

Matt: Yeah.

Alison: She's, she's the second
character that I ever rolled up.

Um, I started playing her in 2020.

It was the first game that
Matt started DMing for us, and

I've been playing her since.

So of course I'm emotionally
wound up in this character.

Of course, I'm gonna feel certain ways.

I think something being emotional
doesn't mean that it's bad.

In fact, I love when things
I, I love, the episodes where

we get real with each other.

And so I've been trying to like
open up more and, you know, when

you find the people that you can
be vulnerable and squishy with.

But in, in true ADHD, super impulsive
fashion, we had, we had a topic for today.

We had an outline.

I had done the research for it,
and I was like, Hey, you know what,

just, let's just throw that out.

So, yeah, so Matt has set the
scene, Chimerical has died,

Matt: Mm-hmm.

Alison: and here's what happened next.

Matt: Uh oh,

Alison: So unfortunately for all of us,
Chimerical's death happened fairly quickly

into the session, like I think within,
within the first hour or so of gameplay.

So what was interesting about
that is then I'm just, I was

just kind of left there to,

Matt: Yeah, I hate that.

Alison: To do nothing to be dead,
which is not a good feeling.

And as I'm sitting there.

Being dead, not liking that, feeling angry
about the fact that my character died and

then all of the, like, what was happening
to me is that all of the emotions of

like, this isn't it for Chimerical
for me, like this is, this is the

campaign that a love story has happened.

So I wanna see what happens there.

So there was this little part of me,
he's like, I found love and now it's

being taken from me cuz I'm dead.

You know, so I'm having this like,
very like, personal reaction to that.

Uh, you know, Matt and I have been hard
at work on all of these different like,

level ups for uh, for Chimerical and like,
what's gonna happen next in her story.

And I'm watching all of
that just float away.

And, and I, and so,

Matt: With every drop of blood.

Alison: So I was uncomfortable.

Like I was sad, I was upset.

But then Matt you, you kept looking at me
and you kept going, Alison gets so mad.

Alison gets so mad.

And so I think this is where
like my personal RSD probably

kicked in a little bit.

Like

Matt: Mm-hmm.

Alison: Where like, of course I'm sad.

Matt: Yeah.

Alison: Of course I'm not happy.

I'm not mad at you, Matt.

You were acting in character
through the bad guys that we, I

mean, we were fighting bad guys.

I wanted to kill them.

They wanted to kill me.

I lost, they won, like, all
of those different things.

But I definitely felt,
am I doing this wrong?

Am I, am I reacting bad to to this?

Matt: I'll speak to this first
and say that I think that I

was experiencing my own RSD...

Alison: I could feel that.

Matt: ...at that moment, because believe
it or not, I may talk a lot about

wanting the stakes to be super high.

I may talk a lot about wishing that
the game was just harder and it's so

easy now and, in D&D 5E for people to
become unconscious and then pop back up.

And

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: and bing boing boing
like a little, jack in the box.

I didn't know what your party was going
to, I didn't know everyone was going to

Alison: Yeah.

Matt: So I was not trying to,
to kill people for sure, and

I did not like that the dice

Alison: Yeah.

Matt: Rolled your death.

Alison: Yes,

Matt: dice told that

Alison: yes.

Matt: Here's where I think being a
Dungeon Master is so hard, right?

Like, me, me, me, because
I do have the power at that

Alison: Yeah.

Matt: to wave a magic wand and say
something distracts this, this group

of people that are just full on...

Alison: Yeah.

Matt: ...gang warfare on this one person.

You are a body, you've gone unconscious.

What are they going to do?

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: In a movie, in a horror
movie, in a, in an action movie.

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: the bad guys aren't going to stop

Alison: Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Matt: They're not gonna,
they're not gonna go away.

So, I do have the power
to make them go away.

I could make something up,
do, I know that that's,

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: that feels cheap sometimes.

And I know also that it could
also feel cheap to you as

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: You don't necessarily
want me to do that cuz you know

Alison: No.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I,

Matt: I'm basically
cheating keep you alive.

Alison: I definitely did not want that.

There was no part of me that wanted you
to like hand wave and be like, this was a

bad dream, or, I, I wanted none of that.

Like real stakes, Chimerical really died.

No issue with any of that at all.

Matt: So, so this happens and I, I do
worry because I, I know that you, you

have a, a very emotional reaction to this.

As well you should.

As well you should, because
everything that you said is true.

So I immediately am worried
about what you think of me.

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: I'm always talking
about killing you guys.

But I don't really want you to die.

I really don't want that.

It, but it happened.

And I, what I should have been
saying instead of you get so mad

is I should have said are you mad?

Are you mad?

But instead I was like, she gets so mad.

Uh, so that is my, not a defense,
but that is what went through my

Alison: Yeah.

Yeah.

So, yeah, then I felt, I felt called
out like, and so that, and then that

helps nothing cuz then I get into
the squirrely bad RSD place where

like, and, and I think that you and
I weren't doing it to each other.

Like we were both having a reaction.

I'm like, how do I show Matt
that I'm not mad at him, but also

have the appropriate emotions?

And then, and this is constructive
feedback as far as like in session,

what I'm curious about how to
signal for the next part goes.

Death can be a, a poetic thing, right?

Matt: Mm-hmm.

Alison: But I wish in game there
could have been, when Chimerical's

rounds came up, storytelling there.

Like, what was I experiencing?

What memories?

You know, like that was one thing when we
played, and Evan and my characters died.

It's just a recurring thing.

What did we do in death?

What were the first memories that came?

But I guess my question to you is
in the heat of the moment, right?

Matt: Yeah.

Alison: What is the non-aggressive
non, I think you're doing this wrong

cuz that's not what it was about.

But like what for you would be
a good way to get your attention

to be like, Hey, look over here.

Like there, there's a, there's
a storytelling element that

some of us are missing here.

Matt: Well, uh, yes, I love it.

Let's go back to the, the episode
that we recorded, where we start

talking about this and how we

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: How can do this.

And my first reaction would
be simply just ask me.

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: So the, complicated thing about
this session was, number one, again,

I'm saying, I don't know, it's so hard

Alison: Yep.

Matt: I just want so badly to get
to the point where, what happened

in game I could be better at, and
I'm not, I'm not saying that to

knock myself, it's pure experience,

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: because I was juggling

Alison: Yes.

Matt: 50 non-player character enemies

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: I was trying to clock where the
players were going because I'm, I'm also

trying to make an interesting combat

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: and I felt like I was doing a better
job of that because I was really trying

to make them use their action economy.

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: I trying to make them move
more, which is all something

also that I've just really hard.

It's really hard me to do.

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: I simply let it slip.

But here's what you can do in the future.

Just say, Hey, I'd like my turn.

Yeah.

I mean, just say, could,
may I have my turn?

Because after you died, I, I still had
the entire combat go, but I would have

loved to take that time and energy

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: to say, oh, yeah, Chimerical,
you're in a, you're in a field.

It's your family's farm,

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: and you have this deep,
deep feeling of comfort and peace

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: uh, A far cry from
the way that you just died.

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: And are heading to, you
know, we can go full cliche,

you are heading To the light.

I would have loved,

Alison: Okay.

Matt: to stop and, and do that and
give you the time that you deserve

because you are 100% correct and I
think there are bad ways of doing that.

I think there are good ways of doing
far as a player goes, but I know

you would never do it in a bad way.

So that, but but in my brain, because
I'm juggling so much again, not an

excuse, simply inexperience, but
that's why I was saying why, what I,

I want to give my friend something to
do cuz she's just sitting around now.

Her character is dead.

I want,

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: Fitz's character to heal her.

I want her to come back to life.

I don't want this to be happening.

Alison: Yeah.

Matt: And yet I do want the
stakes to be how I them up.

And I do want to have this experience.

Luckily for me it was an experience cuz
we're making an entire podcast about it.

And I love that.

But yeah, I think that's what
I would say is if anybody is

in this situation, especially
with someone who experiences RSD

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: And you know this.

As a Dungeon Master, Game Master,
definitely try to remember that.

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: Even if you have ADHD yourself,
try to remember that and, and

reach out to them, which I feel
like normally I'm really good at.

I'm, I do try sometimes to if anybody's
too quiet, I try to like ask them

Alison: Yeah.

yeah,

Matt: Yeah, I was just juggling too much.

And if you are someone that is,
is playing and, and experiencing

that, certainly you, yourself would
know you could ask me anything.

And so I, I think that putting it back
on you, only in that way, meaning, not

not a passing the buck situation, but
saying that is where the most beautiful,

examples of playing this game can be.

Where the players take up the
story that I think I know the

answer to because it's in my brain.

Well, but it's also in your brain
and it's in Evan's brain and

Fitz's brain and Matt's brain.

And it's, that's the beauty of it.

Alison: I feel like

Matt: just talked a lot

Alison: No, and I loved it.

That's, that was the spirit in which I
wanted to have this conversation was like,

what was going on in both of our heads.

Because I think it was similar, like
we were both having these like panic

attacks about like, what is the other
one thinking and how can I stay present?

You know?

That's where like, that's why I didn't
speak up because what I didn't want

to happen is I didn't want to come.

I think I needed to hear you give
that permission that I would never

come from a place of trying to
correct you, but like remind you.

Because I think an another, uh,
topic that we've tucked away that

we have to talk about one day
is apparently our mislabeling of

the notion of object permanence.

So whatever it is, the
out of sight, out of mind.

I think, and this is something I struggle
so hard with as a DM, it's one of the

reasons I think I don't love DMing.

So when I tell you that trust,
I see your struggle here.

Please know that it is true when
everybody's eyes are on you, when

you are in charge, when you are
running the thing you feel like.

Matt: You gave quotes just then, you
gave air quotes in charge, right?

Alison: "In charge"

You, you feel like all eyes are on you.

You feel like you've gotta make
all decisions in a split second.

I feel that way.

I don't feel that way about you,
but I think we all do that, right?

When you're performing, you're, you
know, trying to like, get it right.

You're trying to say the right things
and find the right facial expressions

and the right tone, and do the thing
that's funny and entertaining, and

you're like, your mind is just like
worrying at a million miles an hour.

Which is why I th that's why I find DMing
so stressful, even though y'all have been

nothing, nothing but supportive of me.

And I know that if every single one of
you knew that that was what was going on

in my brain, you'd all say take a breath.

Like, take a beat and, and, but, so then
I, I would say the same thing to you.

So how do we, and I had this thought
too, you know, with Lindsay, with her

profound deafness, she has cued speech.

So what, in, in the realm of ADHD
and neuro spiciness, what are the

ways that we can like cue each other
in a non shaming or invasive, way?

Matt: That's Let, let, let me uh,
maybe just a little more context

about the, the Lindsay reference is
that my wife is profoundly deaf and

she reads lips incredibly well and
she has had a cochlear implant for 10

years, we discovered the other day.

is not hearing.

For those of you who don't know,
it's, it's a, it is a hearing help,

but she's not a hearing person.

When she grew up, she learned a
system called cued speech that

allows you to phonetically spell with
hand shapes, sounds of all types.

So, what you're referencing is the
times that I say something to Lindsay

and she doesn't understand me, she
can't read my lips, she can't hear me.

I then have this cueing to fall
back on to help her on another

level to understand what I'm saying.

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: That's what you're referencing

Alison: And even I, I remember it wasn't
too long ago, she put up a, like a

Facebook status talking about in her
world, physically touching her is great.

You have to, cuz you have no other way
espe and, but like stranger danger, right?

Like we don't put our hands
on people we don't know.

So it's very rude and she didn't realize
that tapping somebody on the shoulder

to people who hear is considered rude.

And so she tapped somebody on the
shoulder to get their attention

because that's how she expects we'll
all get her attention and they gave

her this, you know, how dare you.

Um, and so I, I think about that in
the lens of any disability, right?

Like what is our version of tapping on
the shoulder that others may perceive

as rude, that is anything but to get
our attention back into the space.

And so tho those were the things that
were going through my mind of like,

how do I get Matt's attention out here
that like, you don't have to rush this.

We don't have to resolve this today.

We only have three hours.

Take a breath, take a, because I
could, like you were, you were doing so

much, Matt, so much like the thing, I
need everybody who listens to this to

understand what it's like to play D&D
with Matt as your DM, is that everything

he is doing, he is doing for us.

You were trying to give us the best
audio experience with music, and

you're trying to give us a visual
experience with our virtual tabletop,

and you're trying to give us, you
know, elevate our characters again,

to have those stakes in the meeting.

And you're trying to give us real villains
and you're, you're feeding us constantly,

like all these different things.

So of course when you're doing all of
that, you can't like stop and like,

but how does Alison feel right now?

Um, and that's not the point is to make
you stop and think, how does Alison feel?

But like, in a situation like that, what
is our cue for you to be like, over here?

Matt: I think that, I should do that.

I actually can do that.

And that is, that is something that
is really hard for me to learn,

Mm-hmm.

I think that's, that's a
tough one, is I, I disagree.

I think that I should be able
to say, Hey, how are you Alison?

How are you?

How are you feeling?

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: And, and again, experience.

But until that time, until I get better
at it, until I learn better, I, gosh.

Because we're, we have to come up
with something that's not just quote

unquote inoffensive to me, but something
that could be used for everybody.

And that's a little tougher
because you could just say, Hey,

Alison: Yeah.

Matt: This is my feeling.

Alison: Well, this is following the,
the trail that we started blazing

last week, those conversations that
you have as a table are so vital.

It's why we recommended things
like discussing the X card

and having a session zero.

And I think that this can play
out into our real lives and

real relationships as well.

Right?

When you can in those calm moments,
sit people down and say, Hey, you know,

it's what you were saying last week
about, um, if you know that you're the

neuro spicy one at the table, right?

It's okay to say, Hey, I'm neuro
spicy and my particular flavor

is impulsivity, and it's okay.

I know, I know I do this, right.

So it's okay if I am speaking too loud,
interrupting too much, just to, you

know, say, hey, like, let, let Evan
talk, you know, or whatever that case is.

Matt: I think it would be incredibly
cool if we could think of something.

Alison: Are we gonna try
to do it live here today?

Matt: Okay.

Here's an example of something that,
probably have said this before, but when

I was in a rock band, and we were in a
situation that we felt uncomfortable in,

we found a way to work the word Shamu
into a conversation with that person.

Where, if any of the band members felt
awkward, and you cannot overuse it.

You, cannot use it lightly.

It was was an extreme and it was serious.

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: And we would find a way
to talk about Florida and Shamu.

And we would do it, you know, so that
another member or, or the, the manager

could hear, and he knew, I'm gonna
sweep in and I'm going to, but it

wasn't, it wasn't offensive to a fan.

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: It you know, we weren't
trying to hurt anyone's feelings.

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: Uh, and we were saved.

Mm-hmm.

I think it'd be super fun to come up with

Alison: With our safe word.

Yeah.

Matt: but a saying that is fun and light,
and it would just say, yep, okay, great.

Taking a breath, taking back doesn't
even have to be any kind of major thing.

Just like a check it and go.

Because I agree with you.

Right?

Because I agree with you and it's
something that I want to get better at.

So what is it?

Do we want, are we doing it
right this minute or are we,

Alison: Draxx.

Them.

Sklounst.

No, we say that too often.

It can't be that cause.

Matt: It can't be that.

Alison: Um, all right.

What's our, what's our, I don't know.

We'll have to think of it.

We might not be able to come up with this.

Matt: But I, I think that this
is a really cool thing, and I

think that systems like this,

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: When approached in
a, in a very open manner

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: That does help

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: parties

Alison: Yep.

Matt: is fantastic.

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: And I think if you add an
element of fun to it, then it,

it, it can remove the RSD element

Alison: Yes.

Matt: for people who have, who are
on the autism spectrum or, or ADHD.

You could remove that if it's fun.

You're like, uh, yeah, yeah,
they mean it in this fun.

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: Much like Lindsay's
cueing, much like Shamu.

Alison: I think all these were supremely
helpful and I just, I think that, you

know, at the end of the day, it's all
about, I get to, in my head sometimes to

worry, and that's the RSD speaking, right?

Too worried.

Am I not going at the pace
that's enjoyable for everybody?

Am I, you know, not creating this, that,
and it's just a reminder that like the

best games are the ones that we're fully
present in just a call to presence.

Like, don't worry about all
of those different things.

And that was my biggest curiosity
of like, how could I have

helped us be more in the moment.

Matt: Yeah.

I love that you were wondering about that.

I love the question.

I love bringing me to task, but
not in a way that made me feel

like you were bringing me to task.

But you, I mean, you weren't, you weren't,
you were just were saying your truth,

speaking the truths, and I, I think it
did actually, it was a perfect timing.

And now I understand why you wanted
to kind of talk about it today.

Both because we're, the game is fresh
in our heads, but also the podcast was,

Alison: Yeah.

Yep.

Matt: This is kind of like a part two of

Alison: I promise we
didn't do this on purpose.

Matt: We didn't, though
we didn't, we really

Alison: I just realized it fit in so
beautifully that we talked about how

we'd like to, to, you know, Sunday was
a very high emotional, high stakes day.

Um, and it wouldn't have served
us if I had come in swinging at

you, you know, immediately after.

Um, you know, cause then I was wrapped up
in the emotion of, of my character dying.

And let me just say, at no
point, I, I, I knew, I knew you

were pulling for Chimerical.

Okay.

I knew, I knew you were.

There was no, there was no,
like, he's trying to kill me,

but it was still like, oh.

Matt: Yeah.

Alison: That doesn't, that does not
make the worry of like, what if I

have to let her go before I'm ready?

Uh, subside any faster.

Matt: No, I love it.

I love it.

And, and it's another example in,
in real time basically, of how

people can get so attached to these
characters that you, that you become,

that you inhabit in your brain.

And phew, as I say, almost every podcast.

Love that.

Alison: I love that.

Matt: Amazing.

Alison: I love that journey for us.

I love the journey for all of us.

Matt: Love that journey for us.

Alison: Can I be super
snobby for a second?

It's my turn to be snobby about something?

Um.

If you are not playing with people
again in life and in game, that you can

have this level of a discussion with?

Get better friends.

Matt: Get better friends.

Alison: I, I like, I mean, that's been
the beauty of, you know, you Evan Fitz,

Matt Williams, you know, like everybody in
my life now is that I can like, sit down

Matt: Yeah.

Alison: and have these real conversations
with and say, this is how I felt

about that without, I mean, y'all
don't trigger my RSD I, I shared that.

I, I used to live in this just constant
state of nervous energy of what does the

world think about me and why is it hate?

And, and I just don't feel that
way anymore because of y'all, so.

Matt: Do you know why that you
know why you're enjoying Ted Lasso?

Alison: Mmm..

Matt: You're opening yourself up to
trust, you have people now that you trust.

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: And you trust that
they won't hurt you.

You are now surrounding yourself
with better and better people

that are worthy of your trust, and
you're like, okay, well, damn it.

If they,

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Matt: I'll give it another try.

It's still you.

It's still your feelings and
your personality, but I love it.

Alison: All right, so we just connected
the dots between our d100 roles between

the game that we love, between the
neuro diversion that is our brain...

neurodiversity, neurodivergentness...

Matt: Yes.

Alison: We connected all the dots today.

Matt: Let's do it.

Alison: Well, Matt, thank
you for coming on my podcast.

Matt: Thank you for coming on my

Alison: Thank you for, for standing
in front of the Firing Squad.

Thank you for coming to
the principal's office.

Matt: She's a pretty cool principal.

Alison: Remember, you can't
spell principal without pal.

Matt: good podcast

Alison: Good, good podcasting.

Matt: Thank you for listening and
being a part of our ADHd20 family.

If you're looking for more, we'd love
to see you in our public Discord server.

Look for the link in our show notes and
come join the chatter about all things

TTRPG and ADHD, but also TV, music,
pretty much anything on our minds.

Alison: We also have a Patreon where
you can get access to bonus content

and outtakes, be the first to hear new
episodes, join us for live streamed

recording sessions, and even play Dungeons
and Dragons with us and our friends.

Matt: The best way you can help us
though, is just to share this podcast

with people you think will like it.

Alison: Thank you for being a pal!

To us as people, to ADHd20 the podcast,
and to the greater Bivins Brothers

Creative Commonwealth of Nerds.