Matt: On this week's episode of
ADHD20, Alison and I talk about

our propensity to overexplain.

Alison: It's something that
we find that we do a lot.

You know what?

Never mind.

Just watch the ding dang episode.

Matt: Alabammy, coming on down, getting on
down to this little shop of horrors, Amen.

Alison: Hi, Matt.

Matt: Hi, hi Alison!

how are you?

Alison: Great.

How are you?

Matt: Goood

Alison: Strong start.

Just like all of our D&D games.

Matt: Yeah, super strong start.

It's a Wednesday.

It's a hump day today, for sure.

It's

Alison: a Wednesday, Adams.

Matt: It's Wednesday Adams.

Atoms.

Wednesday At o toms.

I didn't see that many...

I didn't see as many Wednesday
Adams costumes as I thought I

Alison: Oh, I saw a ton in my,
like, Facebook and Instagram feed.

Matt: Oh yeah, I don't...

I don't

Alison: You don't do that
whole social media thing.

You're too cool and too hipster for that.

Matt: I'm definitely not, I'm just...

Somebody put it so well the other day.

My friend, Erin, was just like, look,
some of those environments, not all of

them, some of those environments that
you find yourself in, uh, are really

just other people that want to be heard.

And I can't, not only am I noise
to be a part of it, uh, If I do

or say anything with any kind
of, you know, ulterior motive,

Alison: hmm.

Matt: it doesn't really go
anywhere anymore, right?

Like, social media doesn't really,
it doesn't move any needles.

It's, it's, it's really just...

noise on noise.

So I I'm not I'm not anti social media.

Alison: It's interesting, though, that
you mentioned this, because I was having a

deep shower thought about this yesterday.

Do you want to go ahead and
swallow that real quick?

Matt: WUOOOOH!

We need to write we need to
keep and write down deep shower

Alison: Deep shower thoughts

Matt: Is that a real thing?

Is that a thing?

Is that meme?

Alison: You not do your
best thinking in the shower?

Because I only do thinking in the shower.

Matt: I just haven't
heard that actual phrase.

Deep shower thought.

okay.

Like, it's a

Alison: Now it's out in the world.

So last night's Deep Shower Thought, I
was actually thinking about exactly this,

about my relationship to social media
and cleaning up the parts of social media

that really bum me out and stress me out.

And, like, the people who vex
me the hardest on social media.

And here's what I realized along these
lines, synchronicity, Matt, it's, we can

all be the center of our own universe.

I want you to be the most
important person to you.

I need to be the most
important person to me.

That is great.

That is, honestly, the highly evolved
thinking we should all be moving towards

is that, like, prioritize yourself, take
care of yourself, make sure that you're

getting the sleep and the rest and the
food and the exercise and the friend

time and all that stuff that you need.

You shouldn't have to worry
about that for me and vice versa.

The people on social media who
just make me cringe the hardest

are the people who expect to be
the center of everybody's room.

Matt: Yeah.

Alison: And that's what
social media has become.

So, you can come on social media and
you can say, this is important to me.

Pay attention to it.

That's fine.

But you can't come into the room
and say, this is important to

me and therefore should be the
most important thing to you too.

Nobody cares that much about you.

And that's okay.

Matt: hmm.

That that is no, that is exactly what
Erin's, uh, and her husband Matt's point

was, was this, they were talking about
how, there is a there's an ability now,

okay, we're getting too deep into this so

Alison: Go for it.

Nope.

Nope.

Keep going.

Matt: There's an ability now to shut down
any actual conversation by weaponizing

therapy by weaponizing certain words
right to say You're attacking me.

Um, I am, I feel unsafe.

I'm not saying that that that there
are not situations where that is

absolutely valid and necessary,
but now in all situations.

It's being abused, right?

Like, it is absolutely being abused.

You're attacking me?

No, wait a minute, I'm really,
truly not attacking you.

I, I remember when the
internet had discourse.

And conversation.

I'm not saying it doesn't always.

I'm not really, really not.

I'm just, I love our Discord.

Speaking of which, we have
a beautiful Discord server.

Alison: Early in the
episode today getting on it.

I love it.

Matt: Come on, it is, it
is, and that's why I...

That's why I spend more time on there
and even, even that gets, gets, when

I'm super busy, even that gets pushed,
uh, aside that I don't want to, but,

um, I care about what those people say.

I'm interested in what they say.

If we disagree, um, it's okay.

And everybody knows that.

And, and no one, it's a safe space and
to begin with, but you know, Facebook

just isn't, it isn't a safe space,

Alison: Well, and what I realized, I
think, I think I finally homed in on

what I like about Discord and why our
Discord, because I've tried other Discord

servers in the past, and I get lost,

Matt: Mm hmm.

Yes.

Alison: Once I kind of
made a pact with myself.

And again, this was like me
centering me, me prioritizing me,

but not expecting anybody else to.

I do not feel any need
in Discord to catch up.

Matt: Mm hmm.

Alison: And I feel And that's, I've been
trying, especially when, like, I give

people a link and say, join our Discord,
I will now give them that speech of,

Matt: Yes, you do good.

You do, do, do good about

Alison: Don't catch up, don't catch,
just, if you see a topic that is

fun for you to talk about, start
talking about it, and when you don't

want to talk about it anymore, stop.

That freedom exists on Discord in a way I
feel like doesn't exist, and to your point

of weaponizing on social media, man, we
really are ranting about nothing on topic,

and I don't care, I give no bothers.

Um.

Matt: Yes.

Alison: One of my least favorite things
is when somebody's like, you know, Oh,

I didn't know that you got that job,
or that you, you know, moved to a new

house, or, well, I put it on Facebook.

When did the expectation come that
that was going to be our primary method

of communication with one another?

Stop that.

If you're doing that.

If that's your knee jerk reaction
when somebody says they didn't

know something big in your life.

Use that as an opportunity then to
engage and connect with them about

that big thing and celebrate it
then in the moment instead of trying

to make them feel bad because they
didn't read it on a Facebook status.

I used to do that too.

I will say as somebody who was highly
guilty, I used to get mad at Matt.

I'd be like, I put it on my Facebook.

You didn't see it.

Matt: Yeah.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Alison: You forgave me.

You got

Matt: I did so quickly, so easily.

Um, but yeah, it's, it's going
to, it's going to settle out.

It's all going to settle out.

You know, I believe that
children are the future.

Alison: The kids are all right, as
we pointed out many times on this

Matt: The kids are ok!

Alison: which, by the
way, is called ADHD20.

Matt: YES!

It is called that.

Alison: it's a podcast that tries to
find the intersection between ADHD.

Matt: And TTRPGs!

Alison: And I guess with that
being said, now we can dive

into the topic at hand, but I

Matt: Let's do it!

Alison: kind of, kind of liked having
this little rant moment with you.

Matt: We're We're allowed to rant.

We're allowed to rant.

Alison: We're allowed to have to

Matt: Yeah.

Alison: Um, so before we get into
the topic that we actually have lived

ourselves here in the past week, and
both have this very synchronous like,

Ooh, that's what we should talk about.

Um, I guess it's time to roll some D100s.

So I have my pretty dice here.

Yeah, I'm going to show off my dice.

These are by, uh, one of my
favorite makers, Maze Designs.

They're, they have like
a little galaxy inside.

I just love them so much.

Matt: Oh my god.

Alison: Let's give them
a little rolly rolls.

Okay, number, ooh, we got
a big old number, a 96.

Matt: A 96.

Oh This is a new one.

We have not been we have
not asked this one before

Alison: us.

Matt: So Alison you get a steed

Alison: Yes.

Matt: What fantastical
beast are you choosing?

Alison: I'm going to take
everybody by surprise with this.

I've been waiting for this question to
come up because you all think, I know

what you're thinking right now, you
all think I'm going to choose unicorn.

Matt: I've I've heard
tales of it being sparkly

Alison: Yes.

And I love a unicorn and no
shade to unicorn wannabe riders.

You know, if I could that,
that it makes the shortlist for

sure, but it's not my choice.

Matt: Okay,

Alison: Chimera.

Matt: Oooh, Chimera.

Alison: So, for those of you who
don't immediately know, a chimera

is a fantastical beast that has
the head of a lion, a goat, dragon.

Matt: Mm hmm.

Alison: And I just like being
represented by three different facets.

I feel like, you know, it's kind of three
for the price of one, you know, like I

get a steed, but like three new friends.

Matt: Now, normally they are gifted
with demonic cruelty, that's my

only worry for you, but I'm sure
that you have the ability to charm

Alison: Yeah, they're just misunderstood.

Matt: Yes, Chimera, Just misunderstood.

Alison: They just need
somebody to talk to.

They have some trauma that
they haven't worked out and I

feel well positioned to help.

What about you, Matt?

Matt: What would I ride?

Ride?

Uh,

Alison: Climb up on my faithful steed.

Mmm.

Matt: I have always been
partial to the Griffin.

Um, however, I have been watching a
funny animated show called Krapopolis.

One of the main characters is played
by phenomenal British actor Matt Barry,

who's also in What We Do in Shadows
and and hundreds of other things.

He plays a manticore god kind of thing.

It's really funny.

He's fun.

It's like cute.

So it has a vaguely humanoid head,
the body of a lion, which I just

think would be real cozy and, and,
and, and then the wings of a dragon.

So they're probably related in some way.

Alison: I feel like
our steeds are buddies.

Yeah.

Matt: Hmm.

Mm

Alison: That checks out.

And I like that.

Matt: Yeah.

Yeah, so that's we both want
like evil misunderstood creatures

Alison: That also

Matt: spiky things and
kill and kill and kill and

Alison: I mean, I'm not mad at a
chimera or a manticore protecting

us, you know, like, it's cool
that you can kill in one swipe or

Matt: Yes.

Hell, yeah go

Alison: But I don't want that
to be your default, okay?

I, you know, I want you to try
and talk it out first and then

if we have to resort to violence,

Matt: Yes, I love it.

Well good.

That's a good answer.

Yay

Alison: um.

I really want to write like a,
like a children's series now,

like Mattie and the Mantacore,

Matt: Oh man, that would be great.

You know we have to do.

So, so we've, we've recently had the
idea, um, as we have many, many ideas

that may or may not ever come to fruition,
but that's, that's why you're listening.

Isn't it, listener?

Isn't that why you're listening?

But one, one that we've had is, is
to, you know, uh, dip our toes into

the, into the world of you know,
publishing the adventures that we

have, uh, that all of you could be
a part of if you join our Patreon.

We've been, AK really has been
writing, um, these delightful one

shots and, uh, I, I joined in this
for this last one and it was so fun.

Alison: All the better for it.

Mm

Matt: And well, thank you for that.

But I think that we make a
good team no matter what.

And I think this could be a
really fun thing for us to do.

Our goal is, of course, to have
have the ADHD brain in mind, right?

I'm not trying to give too
much away about this idea.

But anyway, the idea, what if we had, what
if we had some that, uh, that featured,

uh, Chimera and, uh, a Manticore.

Alison: I love that.

But as friends, not as foes.

Matt: Yeah, yes.

Okay.

If you're interested, let us know.

We'll get it right on it.

Alison: I love it.

Yeah.

And it was that was one of the things
I was going to talk about today was

how much fun it was to work on that
one shot with you and like to, you

know, take the best parts of both of
our brains and kind of mold an actual

story that so far has been done three
times by three different groups.

Matt: Yes.

Alison: We're lucky say so.

And each differently.

Matt: Yes, and each very,
very, very different outcomes,

which is the name of the game.

But yeah, this is a pretty good
segue, Alison, because You and

I really do work well together.

Little to no script today.

I think we're relatively good
at listening to each other.

So one thing that you we've let go of,
as our friendship developed, is the need

to over explain to each other, right?

Which is a constant, endless
feeling that our brains deal with.

Honestly, even if you do get
to know someone, sometimes over

explaining is necessary to make
that particular relationship work.

You and I kind of get
there real fast, right?

Oh my god.

Alison: Locked and loaded, Mattie!

Matt: No, I was just like, wow.

I mean, it's not like you can read
my brain or anything, but we have

discovered that there's a whole
lot less of misunderstandings.

For whatever reason, right?

Uh, and, and, uh, that
is not always the case.

And especially with people
that are new to us or

Alison: In fact, we have discovered it on
while recording this very podcast, that

I have gotten so fluent at speaking Matt
and Matt has gotten so fluent at speaking

with Alison that sometimes we don't
actually complete a thought and don't

realize it until we're in post production.

It's like, Matt didn't finish that
sentence, but I knew exactly what he

was saying, so I didn't push him on it.

And so, in some ways, it actually
is a downside to be that level

of comfort with somebody.

Because like, sometimes you do just
need to end the sentence and not go,

you know, and I go, yeah, I do know.

Anywho, you

know, um,

Matt: you

Alison: and

Matt: Oh, yeah.

Mm.

Alison: Trusty, trusty cohorts,
Partners in Crime, Evan and Fitz,

Mm, Johnny on the spot today.

Matt: Hey, hey.

Alison: They, they have
their own language sometimes.

Matt: do.

Mm-Hmm.

Alison: They, they pointed, Evan
especially pointed this out to

us that like, you know, sometimes
when we're recording in The Pocket

Dimension, do y'all know that
you don't complete a thought?

We've had to sheepishly
be like, yeah, we're

Matt: Uh, most of my thoughts, most
of my thoughts are not completed.

Right.

I mean, literally.

I mean, it is.

That's another, that's really kind
of another topic is, is the brain

voice connection, especially with me,
I was made fun of it just yesterday.

In fact, But it doesn't
hurt me because I understand.

I mean, I really, I can
hear myself doing it.

I know it's happening.

It's not like I think
that people understand me.

It's either charming
or completely annoying.

So that's up to you, dear listener.

But yeah, Um, but yeah, make up your mind.

Get on which which side of the
which side of the line are you?

Alison: To tie this back into social
media, open up any, you know, insert

social media platform here, X or Threads
or, you know, Instagrams, reels and memes.

And we noticed that there are all
of these, you know, like the ADHD

urge to write a sentence with
eight sets of parentheticals.

We're always doing that.

I do.

I noticed myself doing it.

You know, we write these long sentences
and then like put a pair, you know,

put something in parentheses after
that to clarify just to make sure,

just to make sure that you're reading
this in the tone, you know, I like it.

I will literally, it's like writing stage
direction sometimes, you know, like I will

write a long sentence and then parentheses
after it be like, she says with a smile.

So you get that I'm trying to be
funny or sarcastic in that moment.

Um, and, and I catch myself doing it.

I catch myself using a lot of
em dashes, parentheses, colons,

semicolons, commas, just running the
gambit of punctuation in an effort to

communicate my thoughts in writing.

And go.

Go.

Go.

Matt: I'm going to say I'm going
to yes and that and I'm going

to make a very bold statement.

I would say that unless you are a
professional, editor in a, in a,

major publication firm, or you have
ADHD and you love over explaining,

I would like to show of hands.

The people that know the Mac
keyboard, shortcut for em dash

and proper ellipses show of hands.

I guarantee you have ADHD.

I am.

I would.

I would almost guarantee that you
have ADHD because who else is going

to care enough to get the proper em
dash and the proper ellipses that

work in code stuff and who would
memorize that so that it is so.

Ingrained in your fingers.

I think you probably should go
and to your doctor and see Because

you're probably over explaining.

Uh, yeah, side note

Alison: You know what?

That is interesting.

That's probably one of the most,
asked questions we get is what's

the diagnosis process like?

How do I know if I need
to chase a diagnosis?

We should start like a compendium
of you might be ADHD if, but if

you know command shift hyphen is
an em dash, you might be ADHD.

Matt: Yeah,

Alison: We are not medical professionals.

We are not here to diagnose.

We are not here to dispense
anything that even resembles advice,

but if you know that shortcut.

Matt: Yeah, I don't know

Alison: Go.

Matt: Yeah, go

Alison: Stop listening to this right now.

Come back later.

Matt: For real for real.

So anyway,

Alison: Yeah, so we we we ran into a
situation last week where we both Matt

and I felt ourselves over explaining,
um, you know, in that moment of

like, I felt that I had tripped
up, I felt that I had done wrong.

And so then instead of just
like offering a sentence of

clarification, I wrote, platitudes.

Matt: mm hmm.

Alison: And so we just thought we
could have a fun little conversation

about what why why we send
paragraphs when sentences will do

Matt: Why paragraphs, yeah

Alison: Why we send
sentences when words will do.

Matt: Mm hmm.

Alison: Um, why?

Is anybody ready to answer this?

We're not.

I mean, of course, we looked
up a couple of things.

My knee jerk reaction before I looked
anything up was that I was like, as with

a lot of things that we have talked about
lately, it has to be tied to RSD, right?

That constant overwhelming feeling of
not being seen, heard, or understood.

Um, and so maybe like if I could just
explain this to them with a cool enough

head, they will know that I am not
being emotional about this subject.

Has literally been my internal monologue
for my entire life, starting in childhood.

If I could just get them to see the
point I'm trying to make instead of the

point they've decided to take away, maybe
they won't call me dramatic this time.

Matt: And it's funny because over
explaining is not even this is

not always to someone else either.

Like I went I went I went
to a meeting yesterday.

It was a great meeting.

I was not nervous to go to this meeting.

It was it was a couple of really
genuinely great dudes that that

we have become kind of, you know,
mentors to us great salespeople

and you know, just business people.

And we, we had lunch.

We, you know, we had a beer.

It was, it was, we were just chatting.

There was nothing, but I went
away from that meeting still,

because I can't not, right?

The RSD is so strong within me, right?

Like it is.

And I could hear myself just
bblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblbl.

I hope that was okay, you
know, just talking and talking

and talking and talking and
Lindsay was like, how did it go?

How did it go?

It was great.

It was great.

Do they think I'm a clown now?

I mean, what should I've gone
there with my my nails painted?

Do they think that green
hair is just totally unpro-?

I'm just on and on forever.

And so yeah, I mean, it's not just
to other people to ever explain.

It's also

Alison: It's a constant battle where we
just replay the scene over and over again.

Matt: Yes.

Alison: It's tied to RSD.

It's apparently it's a trauma
response, which kind of to your

point, or like everything is a
trauma response at this point, right?

We were all traumatized in childhood.

We all were.

It's fine.

Matt: And it's

Alison: It's okay.

Matt: Yeah, it

Alison: You're allowed now, you
know, healing and moving forward.

Matt: Yeah.

Alison: did in the quickest
amount of reading I did do on it.

So this won't apply as much to you,
but it definitely applies to me.

It's a sign of a lack of impulse control

Matt: Mm hmm.

Alison: That I just can't stop.

Matt: Yeah, it doesn't apply as
much, but I mean it certainly does.

I've done it.

I caught myself doing it in this in
this conversation already once, so

it is I am not immune, of course.

But yeah, just to fill, fill silence,
to just, yeah, who's being quiet?

I feel like I just like, yeah.

Alison: Is that something
you do, Matt, though?

Matt: To me, um, it kind of
depends on the situation.

It's so funny, because maybe going back
to trauma response, I will say, you

know, when I was in the rock band, but
you could, you could apply it to any

friends that you have, friend group that
you have, like, maybe moved on from,

but then you revisit and you come back.

I, I tend to have different roles.

I play different parts, depending
on where I am and who I'm with.

So with with the rock band?

Yes.

Yes.

I was far, far, I was that guy to
fill every silence because it was,

it was a relatively silent kind of
dude like group of dudes, right?

Like to, and.

Alison: I feel now you're talking
about specifically on stage,

Matt: and

Alison: And stuff.

Okay.

Matt: And banter.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes.

Oh banter but then fast
forward to my stint as an

actor and I did not say a word.

In fact, they they actually multiple
times my fellow actors in the in the

you know, the dressing rooms would
say You're not much of a talker.

Are you?

You don't, you don't, you're the, you're
the silent type, no one has ever said

that to me, no one has ever, but it's just
that they, that's what, that's their role,

they were, and they were doing a fantastic
job, and uh, so yeah, I, I, it depends

on where I am, but yes, uh, Impulse
Control is definitely part of it, mhm,

Alison: I just, I feel like I just
learned something new about you.

Matt: Mhm

Alison: I've never noticed you filling
spaces with anything other than purpose

and intent, because as we've talked
about before, you are so good at kind of

mining for what truly lights people up.

You're good at that part
of the conversation.

Matt: Yeah, I, mhm, mhm.

I am, so one, one thing that is, I,
I don't know whether I've just gotten

better at it, or it was never as much
of a problem for me, but listening,

Alison: Mm hmm.

Matt: uh, I am, I am sure is, is a
struggle with a lot of people with ADHD.

I'm pretty good at listening.

I'm pretty good at being aware and
listening when I need to, you know,

with, with some caveats, of course,
but, but, but generally I can, so

I'm very, I feel very lucky, very
blessed, hashtag blessed, that I can,

that I have that ability, because I
know it's a, it's a very difficult

struggle for a lot of people, but, uh.

I, you know what, and I've said this
before, but I, I think, I think a lot

of it is being married to a deaf person.

I think a lot of it of my training,
my learning process, you know,

I can't fill spaces with her.

Alison: Mm hmm.

Matt: You have to, and listening,
of course, but I, you know, if

I say anything off the cuff.

You know, when I was in high school,
my best friends, thought we were

so funny because we had this like,
under our breath, you know, banter.

Constant patter like things that was
a quick witted, you know, stream of

consciousness stuff, you know, that has
to that had to go away with Lindsay.

It had to.

It only confuses her to shuts down
all communication if I do that.

So maybe maybe that's a part of it.

A big part of it.

Alison: I think you're onto something
with that, which is segueing us

into the, how do we combat this?

Matt: Mm.

Alison: I think, obviously, I think
situationally, you had a reason to learn.

I think, though, and this is a
brand new thought that I just had in

this moment, so pardon my impulse.

I wonder what the tether is instead
of, you know, my knee jerk reaction

was to tether it to RSD, right?

Because that's the answer
for me for everything.

Oh, well.

What if it's more tethered
to masking, though?

I think you're onto something
with the over explaining fills the

spaces where you're uncomfortable.

Matt: Mm

Alison: When you're feeling
like you're not being heard and

understood, it's uncomfortable.

And so you immediately want to reach
out to that other person by way of

run on sentences and parentheses
and, and, and clear that air.

Um, wow.

Matt: Yeah, that's a good Theory.

Alison: My very first therapy session,
like, as an adult one of the very first

things that my therapist told me in the
very first session was I need you to

get comfortable being uncomfortable.

Matt: Mm.

Alison: There is no way around
some things like some things

you just have to go through.

So when you're going through a really hard
part of your life at the time, I was going

through a really, really bad breakup.

Um.

you know, she was like, I need
you to learn how to sit with it,

you know, and that's been like
my own practice as of late is to

become the observer in my own life.

You know, we've talked about
this as it relates to meditation,

where like meditation is not
the act of quieting our mind.

It's the act of learning to sit with our
thoughts and observe them and let them

pass through onto their next destination.

Um, and I think that that there's a tie
in here for that, that the, that the over

explaining is the masking part of me.

Interesting.

Matt: Interesting.

Uh, yeah, I can de
definitely get behind that.

Alison: Weird.

Matt: Ooh, love it.

I'd like to, so in, in a little dip
before we get into what we can do

to quote unquote, combat this . Uh,
Bringing it to Dungeons and Dragons real

Alison: Oh, yes, please.

Matt: We have a long, long running group
of, you know, favorite people that we

play with almost every Sunday or Monday.

And, uh, we are in Barovia,
as we've said many times.

Uh, we, we, we have a character
played by Fitz, uh, named, and...

they are a cleric, and they have
a low charisma score, um, and,

and what's amazing about Fitz
in this, in this way is that...

And side note, this is, this is why Fitz
is so freaking good at being a player.

If you have a, if you have a high Charisma
score, Charisma attribute, in Dungeons

and Dragons specifically, you can be
typically a Bard or a Warlock, and then

someone might put a badge of Face on you.

Meaning you're the one who's going to be
doing most of the talking in, in social

encounters, and you're going to, you know,
you're going to do and, and you're going

to be the most charming, and when you roll
and you try to influence people or deceive

them or something, then you're going to
have a higher, higher level of success.

Well, uh, in, in Fitz's genius, she
absolutely plays against that type.

And so her character, Ash, is the one
that speaks first and speaks the longest.

And it is uncharismatic.

It works because they're always
trying to push their own weird

agenda, usually political.

It's like this weird searching
for utopia all across Barovia.

It's just, it's really hilarious.

And This is just really
amazing and making that happen.

So my, my instant thought there
was, what is, what is that about?

Is that, is that Fitz's homage to what
we're talking about this over explaining?

Is she implying that maybe Ash does
have ADHD in that way, in that over

explaining, impulsive way of just
being the person that needs to fill

that silence in every situation?

Alison: Well, and we've talked about
before that there are, you know,

certain tenets, traits, characteristics
that ADHD has cornered the market.

And then there are others that
are just a facet of either being

neurodivergent as a broad term, or

Matt: Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Or human.

So, so narrow.

So narrow.

Alison: I I'm not going to lie to you.

There have been conversations as
of late that have made me seriously

question, am I on the autism spectrum?

Matt: Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

Alison: Like what I've been processing in
my head for the past 41 years, I feel like

I'm now seeing with new eyes in some ways.

You do not have to be socially
awkward to be autistic.

And if you are autistic, it does not
mean that you are socially awkward.

But there are times as I, and this comes
from the awareness, like I'm trying to be

more of an observer in my life and be more
aware of myself, my surroundings, how I

make people feel, what my energy is doing.

Um, and I'm like, as I'm observing
myself, I'm like, Oh God, you came

off a lot more harsh or over explained
or, you know, any of these things.

I'm like, am I autistic?

Because there's a lot out there
about, uh, I don't even know how to

say it out loud, but like on, like,
A U D H D, like, basically people

who are autistic and have ADHD, and

Matt: Mm

Alison: to tie it all back to
masking, it's very prevalent in women,

Matt: hmm.

Alison: all of these different things,
and then to tie that all back to Ash

and D&D, when you think that you're
the face, But you're not the face.

And then I have these moments
of like, Oh my God, is that me?

Like all this time have I thought
like, I'm, I'm charismatic.

And I'm like, Oh, no.

And I'm not asking for like,
there there nows on this.

Matt: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I
look, we can be very clear about that.

We're not trying to infringe on
someone else's neurodivergent brain

by saying any of these things.

I truly believe and I can be proven wrong.

And other people can argue this.

So that's fine.

It's just my opinion.

But I really believe and hope that they're
going to find the that intersection,

and and discover that autism, ADHD,
OCD, these other because they can't

again, they can't really properly
map the brain and why, you know, they

can't, we haven't gotten there yet.

But when we do, which again, will
hopefully be in our lifetime, I feel

like they're gonna have a better name
for ADHD, which is still, worst name

ever, they're gonna have a better
name for Autism and Spectrum ness and

all of it, but yeah, I mean, yes, I'd
say, I don't think, I think you're

Alison: Well,

Matt: just speaking the

Alison: And like, again, I'm not, I'm
not sharing this so that people go,

Oh, Alison, there have been multiple
people now in our darling Discord that

I love so much, and I love everybody in
there, and I love everything everybody

said, but multiple people have used
the word intimidating to describe me.

I don't get it.

Like, and I, and I, and I would be
willing to hedge a bet that the people

who have gotten to know me since saying
that probably would now be like, no,

no, no, dude, she is squishy as hell.

Um, but the fact

Matt: Squishy

I

Alison: am all nougat.

Okay, but clearly there is something
about the way I am presenting,

especially to strangers that is.

So I'm not saying anybody is wrong.

I am saying I don't understand.

And there's a big difference

Matt: We don't

Alison: in calling somebody
wrong and saying, I don't get it.

Um,

Matt: Interesting.

Alison: I wonder if that, if that
is, uh, again, a facet of masking,

if that, and, and I, you know,
keep tying this back to Ash, where

like, Ash thinks they're the face.

I thought I was highly charismatic.

And it turns out I'm just
an overexplaining, you know,

try hard sometimes that
gives a vibe of intimidation.

And, and to your point, also in D&D,
something I personally have been

trying to play with and push levels on.

So in D&D, this might be a stretch.

Y'all, we can cut this or y'all can
tell me you didn't like this part.

But in, in D& D, Everything that you do
is tied to one of six ability scores.

They are Strength, Dexterity,
Constitution, Intelligence, Wisdom,

Charisma, um, and when you're building
a character, you kind of usually pick,

you pick one of those to be your dump
stat, as we call it, like, I don't care

about being strong or dexterous, and
you pick one to be your, like, I'm going

to build my character around these.

And so, like, I always pick Charisma.

And we were building characters on
The Pocket Dimension Live a couple of

weeks ago and building a new character.

And I picked Charisma as my high score.

And everybody in the chat's like,
okay, Alison's building another

high charisma, you know, character,
something new and different.

And I've been pushing myself since then to
figure out the character's name is Benni.

How will she be charismatic
in a different way?

How will she not be the face?

Because that is everybody's very
tropey understanding of charisma.

But can you be charismatic
in the way that Ash is?

Can you be charismatic?

And so I've, I've, I've kind of figured,
I don't want to, I don't want to, um,

spoil anything for those who are going
to tune in to see how Benni plays out.

But I've, I spent hours on a
drive recently thinking about

like what charisma, all the
different ways that you can play a

charismatic character, basically.

Matt: Yeah.

I love

Alison: Wanted to talk about over
explaining and said, we're talking

about charisma, but I think that

Matt: What I do think they I do think
that they, um, they fit together,

because we all know people like that.

We know, we know the people
who are, what do we call them?

The cards, the hams, the, you

Alison: Jesters, Class clowns

Matt: The jesters, the class
clowns, and we love them, too.

Right?

We are, we are actually filling our roles
as Faces at those moments, you know.

Are we over explaining as we go?

Are we trying to get the laugh
or whatever we're trying to do?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So if we were to need to combat
it, what are some ways to do so?

And we have we have pointed out that over
explaining is has different forms, right?

Sometimes it's just blabbermouth,
or, you know, and then sometimes

The thing that I really have a
really difficult time is in writing,

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

in writing, is how to, how to be more
succinct, how to be more, you know,

concise, how to not over explain.

Um, there is something
that I did just yesterday.

Uh, so my favorite, task manager, um,
project management PKM app is called TANA.

But, you could do this with other things.

You could probably do this with Notion.

You could probably do
this with a lot of things.

They, they allow you to take
chunks of text and then build

what they call commands.

And one of those command abilities is
to use AI, like chat GPT or something

like that to, you know, either write
sub tasks if you have a task you

don't know how to break down or you
can do anything you want Anyway, I

created a command called Un-ADHD-ify

And I, in the prompt is basically I want
you to take this brain dump this noise

that I have spoken into it or written
or written this transcription and I

want you to make it clear, concise, I
want you to find the points of what I'm

trying to say and spit them out to me.

And I think, you know, pro or against
AI, that is, that is genuinely,

I cannot imagine anyone finding
a fault in using it in that way.

These are my words.

These are my over, my, my
over worded paragraphs.

And I am then asking AI
to find the core of it.

And just remember this is something
that I deal with every day all the time.

So I am constantly being asked
what the hell I'm talking about

because I'm over explaining things.

So that's one way.

Un-ADHD-ify

stuff.

Alison: I love it.

Matt: Yeah?

How about you?

Alison: My answer is just
get more Matts in your life.

Matt: That's also true!

Alison: Get

Matt: I mean, why

Alison: More people who, who listen
to understand instead of to respond,

get more people who you feel secure
enough about to remove the mask and stop

the over explaining, which, you know,
like that, that's a very, you know, I

know I'm saying that in jest, but, you
know, it's part of all of our growth

is making sure that we're surrounding
ourselves with the right people.

And also working on yourself, um, helps
because, you know, in that moment of

getting comfortable being uncomfortable
in that moment of am I filling silences

or am I actually adding value to
this, to this room, um, I think helps.

Awareness and

Matt: it's definitely taking a breath
before I say something sometimes.

So, like I've, like I've said
before, physically, put my mouth.

Alison: Well, usually
can't see you except for

Matt: hmm.

That's true.

That's true.

But yes, and I mean, in public
situations, I have to go, mm hmm, okay.

Well, please wait until she's finished.

Okay, now I'll say something, you

Alison: I probably need to do that.

I need to try one out for sure.

Matt: Yes have more Matts in your
life, have more Alisons in your life

but also we do really want to find
the ways to communicate in the most

efficient way with the people that
do not share this trait with us.

We want to constantly find those
ways because we're not aware a lot

of times I'm stunned when people
are like, What did you mean by that?

Oh, God, oh, God.

You know, like, it's gonna be a
constant struggle, but but those

people help you like, you, in some
ways, you, you enable me to be the guy

who doesn't finish his sentences and

Alison: I do know I'm an enabler there,

Matt: That's okay, I'm
glad that you are too,

Alison: You enable me by allowing me
to be a feral, impulsive, whatever.

Matt: Just, yeah, I just get it.

I just...

Alison: But I mean, that's the
reason we have this podcast.

That's, that's why we share these
stories is so that way, other

people go, Oh, okay, I'm not alone.

And if they feel like sharing it with
their loved ones, you know, that's,

in fact, just yesterday, I asked Evan
if he had listened to last episode,

which is all about catastrophizing.

And once again, he was like, I learned so
much about the way that your brains work.

Matt: Yeah, Yeah, because Evan has
always been one of the ones that

I, I will fight to my dying day
to work on communication with him.

Uh, but we do not have the same brains.

And it is not always easy.

And, and I know that I say things
that he doesn't understand.

He says things I don't understand.

Sometimes it feels like we don't
speak the same language even.

But that's okay.

Because I will, I, I have to make it work.

I

Alison: You will ride in
on your manticore and kill

Matt: in with my manticore.

If anything gets in my way, I will

Alison: Murder it.

Matt: Yeah, you do have to have somebody
that's willing, and I know Evan is

willing too, I know Evan is in to win as
well, so, uh, that is a thing, because

I've also had people that don't want
to try to understand, and just think

I'm attacking them all the time, and
I, I can't do anything about that.

That's all I, they just have to go away.

Alison: Those are the crazy makers
we've talked about in prior episodes.

Matt: Yeah, this is

Alison: You know what
we shouldn't do, Matt?

Overexplain,

Matt: Overexplained this episode.

We should not end

Alison: We should just go: all right.

Matt: Yeah, there it

Alison: There's...

Matt: Good job, Alison

Alison: Good job, Matt!

Uh, yeah.

And so, until next time, right?

That feels so weird, man.

Matt: I know!

Help!

Help!

I'm falling!

I gotta quiet,

Alison: My body is feeling
physically uncomfortable.

Matt: Physically I feel like I'm falling
into a net from a, from a trapeze.

Alison: There's a net!

I feel like I'm falling into concrete!

Matt: Oh god.

I'll catch you.

I'll catch you.

Don't!

Nooooo!

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