Demons.

Okay, for real

If nothing else, at least we
can, we can ourselves, right?

Yes.

Thank God.

You wanna take a nice
centering breath with me?

There are ghosts next door.

Alison,

What?

is a

Yeah.

I thought I would start something
different instead of, Hi Alison.

This time I would thought there
are ghosts next door, Alison?

Welcome to October.

Mm-hmm.

.Mm-hmm.

I'm not gonna give you the, the
scared reaction you were hoping for.

Well, I mean, how scared would you be
of ghosts that are happening in Chicago?

I hope you wouldn't be scared.

I'm a pretty, I'm a pretty
big wussy as we've discovered.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

So I titled the, possible talk today,
uh, How to Move Closer to Your Dreamy

Career or Life Goals with ADHD.

It's hard, isn't it?

Yeah, it is hard.

And honestly that sentence is
hard because it doesn't mean

exactly what I wanted to mean.

I meant to say how to move
closer to your dreams.

When you have,

have ADHD, cuz it does make it
a little bit tougher, I think,

Yeah.

Based on personal experience.

Yeah.

It really, really does.

And this is also fairly topical for me
because this week I have been taking

part in a manifestation mastery course.

Yes, that's

You have!

That is all around kind of picking,
you know, for the sake of the course.

Of course, the goal is to move through
life with this new set of tips and

tricks, of creating whatever it
is that you're trying to call in.

So I just think it's funny that, you know,
we didn't take that into account when we

came up with this topic, but here it is,
this week, this thing that I'm doing, and

we're talking about it from another angle.

I like that.

I think it's apropo.

And I think, yeah, I think we
were just kind of like, what

are we gonna talk about today?

And we've, we've had a lot of really
fun ideas about this podcast this week.

I have anyway about people that
we'd love to be on this podcast.

Things we'd love to talk about, places we
would love for it to take us if possible.

I don't know, is that a thing?

Is that a thing that people dream about?

I think so.

And you know, I think, that, the
only thing about podcasting is.

It doesn't pay you.

It doesn't pay you right
outta the gate anyway.

And that's not something
that we care about.

That's, I mean, that's not,
that's not why we're doing this.

The reason I really, really love
this podcast is that I get to

speak with this level of honesty.

And, just personalness.

Anyway, I, Yeah, I just, I like
this because we can talk about,

it's more like what you really what?

Me too.

I love that.

And I think that people that have been
listening to it and have said things to

us about that have felt that, and I like

Mm-hmm.

We're all learning, man.

We're just learning.

I think a lot of good things that happen
to people, hopefully including the two

of us, and all of our friends here in the
ADHd20 community don't necessarily come

from a place of I'm trying to make money.

Like it's the things that you
do in earnest because you really

care about them that matter.

Um, and I like, one thing that's kind
of exhausting me right now that I'm

realizing I didn't realize until maybe
even this week, is hustle culture.

Is everybody trying to turn
everything they love into a business.

Hmm.

Where did we start that?

It wasn't always this way, you know?

And, and I don't know if it was the advent
of the internet that like put these things

that like suddenly I had control over.

You know, it used to be only
businesses could do these things.

And now as a person, I can stand up
a website or I can go onto Etsy or

I can, you know, get a big TikTok
following and, and, and make what

I'm good at, what I love, my career.

And it's left me personally questioning.

Yeah.

Am I allowed to say that here?

Like, does everything, does
everything have to be a side hustle?

Does everything have to be
a business or can you enjoy

some things just for the sake?

And that's not saying I don't want
more people to listen to ADHd20 and

to grow this community organically
and to have lots of friends and for us

to get to spend more time podcasting.

That is not what I'm saying.

I'm saying if you go into everything
thinking it's gonna be your

big money generator and you're,
you know, this is, this is, it.

I just, I don't know if that,
how that, sits with me anymore.

Well, that's interesting.

No, I like that because I, I think that
as a child of two artists especially

one that is, was, very much about,
you know, the way that she relates

to you, to other people is what
you're doing, what you're working on.

You could do no wrong.

It doesn't matter what you do, it doesn't
matter what you say or do, but it's,

you know, she reacts to the passion and
the excitement of what you're doing.

And so, in my mind, growing up, the way
that I learned is that, Oh, I love this.

Therefore this should probably be
something that I try to do more and

more and more and more and more.

And it isn't that I don't have hobbies.

I do, I have hobbies.

You definitely have hobbies,

I make pizza.

I make really good pizza, but I
don't wanna be a pizza person.

You don't, I have never
once heard you confess,

I wanna be a pizza person.

Uh

Come get a Pizza Mattie!

Um,

A Pizza.

B Yeah.

I don't, I don't want
to be a pizza person.

Uh, there's lots of things that I
love and I I would never want to do.

And yet, every once in a while
something speaks to me and I'm like,

You know what, what if
I could do this more?

I think it's definitely Dungeons
& Dragons or role playing games, or,

creating worlds slash building things.

You know, I've, I've lived most of
my life as a performer and I don't

have that itch as much really.

At all?

Not much at all.

I mean, I guess dungeon mastering
is a performance like it.

It is.

I guess it is, but not, not in the way
that I just said, Oh, if I don't, if

I'm not on stage, I'm going to die.

I don't, feel that.

I'm happy right now.

It could change.

I don't feel like that.

And so it feels like there's
something else brewing and I'm just

kind of just going with excitements
because I don't, I don't, know

And that's, that's the much better way
of saying exactly what I was trying

to say, which is if you follow the
excitement, if you follow the glee

and the unbridled joy, that that's
just going to serve you so much

better than just following the hustle.

Just making everything
about making it bigger.

Some things you can do for the joy
of it, and if they become bigger,

on their own naturally, organically,
then they were meant to be bigger.

And that's fantastic.

Um, That's exactly, thank you.

Cuz I was not, I was not the wor no
good do words was happening in, in me

No good do words.

Yeah, I think we are actually
saying something very similar,

but you're right, We're

You would not want to lose what we
just did right now, which is barely

makes sense for a good 10 minutes
that you don't ever wanna lose.

That's what you're telling
me, and I'm with you.

I don't wanna lose the right to, to
not make sense on a podcast either,

Alison, Especially with you, uh,

So in, in this manifest, can I
share, can I share a quote with you?

I haven't shared this one with you yet.

This is, gonna be a brand new one to you.

This broke my brain.

Do it.

When you can learn that you can
do more with less, then you will

be able to do less and get more.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, that's it right there.

We're not asking to do more work.

We're asking for our work to mean more
and spend our time on the meaningful

tasks instead of on the hamster wheel of
fear and anxiety, um, and everything else

that we experience in our human moments.

And that was kind of the spirit in
which we created today's topic, so if we

wanna get back to our roots of ADHD&D&D

D&D

Please do.

One of the things that I had said
was, how do we become resistant

and then ultimately immune to
psychic damage from unsavory tasks.

So how do we learn to like, stop being
so emotionally attached to our work.

Do the work that needs to get done
without letting it affect us so much.

Thus leaving us more open for the
work that affects us in a great way.

Because that's what I think you and I
want, is to come to work and be stirred

and shaken and, you know, I guess
I wanna be a martini, I don't know.

No, you'd be a great martini, man.

Thank you.

Other than no olives, but I'm, I'm
a, I'm a, twist, not a, not a dirty,

Yeah, I'm a dirty, but that's cool.

That's cool, man.

um, but that's okay.

Let's, let's just do a little
quick definition moment.

What is psychic damage in the
world of Dungeons & Dragons.

Ooh, off the top of my head,
it is, it's it's damage damage

that you feel in your soul.

It stuns you, right?

So it's not like a physical slashing
or piercing or bludgeoning, any of

these, you know, boom, boom booms.

But rather it's something that stops
you in your tracks and may render

you useless for an amount of time.

It also may have an
impact on what comes next?

Right?

Because if you don't have the mental
and emotional wherewithal, then

you can't think through taking your
next turn or hopping on a reaction.

If you're mentally damaged, man, you're
not, you're not firing on all cylinders.

I That was very well done.

I.

In Dungeons & Dragons psychic
damage is harnessed mental

energy used to harm others.

Bing, bing.

Bing, Bing.

B B B.

Yay.

Uh, but yeah.

Psychic damage.

We take it and, and I think as those
of the neuro divergent leanings, cuz

it's probably not just ADHD, it stuns
us when we feel that mental damage.

We can't slash don't take the next steps.

We can't shake it off.

Um,

shake it off.

It's, it's, First of all, for me
at least, it's a, it's a much more

emotional, it's, it starts psychic and
then it goes straight to emotional.

Like it's not logical.

I get embarrassed about it.

It's, it's not fun.

There's no such thing for me as a job
that I can just half-ass, I can't do it.

And I don't know if that's ADHD or not.

The emotional reaction to something
though is, And so I get, I get just

so, like, my day is either good or bad.

, there's, there's no in between
and it's just ridiculous.

It's, it's exhausting.

The ultimate goal may be to not
be that mentally and emotionally

damaged by these unsavory tasks.

Right?

But you and I have to think about
like, the steps we're gonna need to

take to get there, because we're not
gonna start at point A and da da, nope.

Doesn't bother me anymore.

Um, so in the D&D world, you
know, step one is resistance.

So it still hits you,
it still affects you,

Mm-hmm.

But not as bad, right?

Yeah.

You get a little half
damage now, you know?

So it's like, okay, that's our,
that's our, that's our step forward.

So how do we, you know, maybe
resistant in the real world, if we're

tying this back into real sterff.

Is we take the damage, but it
doesn't sideline our entire day.

You know, we're, we're only
shaken up for half a day.

We're okay after lunch,

Sure.

You stand up and you have the
dazed look in your eyes and you've

got like the little baby chickens
and stars circling your head.

Where's your sound of that for that

Damn it.

The,

I'll come.

I'll come up with it.

I'll come

That's my stunned approximation,

Well,

Anyways, so that's, it's like,
that's, step, Well, step number one

is where we are of, we get derailed.

If I could become resistant to the
psychic damage, maybe I could have

gotten half a day's worth of work done.

And then the ultimate goal is becoming,
being so immune that I go, It's fine.

And I just plow through that
work, like, you know, whatever.

it, it, It's not affecting me anymore.

How do we get there?

This is an open ended question.

I'm not

Oh, oh, oh.

You don't have an answer.

I'm sorry.

No, Yes, Yes.

That's what this podcast is about, Matt.

All of the answers.

We do not have the answer true, but,
this idea of, having buffs, and armors

and protection and resistances, Right?

Like a buff in a role playing game
is usually a spell of some kind, some

kind of ward, a magic item, it's a
term used in video games, to describe

increases in the power of a game element.

temporarily enhancing a player.

Okay?

Sure.

I'm with ya.

Mm-hmm.

Anyway, it's something, it's something
that you do before you go and, and

take that project on or do that
task related to that project that

you kind of like, I can do this.

You know, I have been, working
on something that I came

up with on this podcast.

This very personal methodology as far
as like organization of tasks and, uh,

projects and stuff, and has been really
helpful and fun for me to kind of,

cloak it in, role playing game terms.

So, one of the things about it
that is interesting to me right now

that seem to be helping a lot with
ADHD is the idea of energy, right?

Like you know, This is definitely
not RPG specific, but a lot of people

with ADHD have included that, extra
parameter to choosing what to do

next, how to do something next, right?

So you look at a bunch of tasks and if
you have the wherewithal when you're,

when you're creating them and you
say, This is going to take this much

energy, this is gonna take this much.

And I think that if I'm like between
two possibilities in a day and I haven't

had my full rest, so my hit points are
not, you know, back to full, right?

And I know this and I have properly
categorized these things that I have

to do, I can choose the one that
I, I can receive the least amount

of psychic damage from, right?

And.

That is something that is
really cool to discover.

And it, it's weird that I'm discovering
it in this very convoluted way, but

it's not convoluted to me because
it, it tends to be working, right.

The other thing that I did today for
the first time was pull these tasks

together, number them, and roll the d6

You

happened to be six.

There happened to be six.

But definitely going in, knowing the
energy of, of what I needed to do, like,

and also taking away the, decision,

Yeah,

Decision fatigue taking away it, I,
I was like, I rolled it and I was

like, Oh, I don't wanna do that one.

I gotta do that one.

But it was fine.

It was great.

I did it.

It was done.

I always have an easy time making
decisions for other people and a

terrible time, making them for myself.

So analysis paralysis is

That's it.

And that's it.

So one of the things that I've been
working through this week is, uh, in

this manifestation workshop is making
sure that you're in energetic alignment.

Right.

And a lot of the conversations that
I've been having with you and Evan,

and I think this is a very, very zoomed
out, very very, macro buff, is making

sure that the tasks that you're doing
are something that cause some kind of

genuine emotional reaction, some kind
of excitement that is the ultimate buff.

Because even if, and I think that's
what people mean, we know when they say

crap, like, if you love what you do,
you'll never work a day in your life.

Well, that's not, we know that's not true.

If you love what you do, you're
gonna work a billion percent

harder because you love it so much.

But you will be driven by that emotion, by
that, that almost tangible excitement to

push that task to the next level, right?

Yes.

That's the part that's so hard
to justify, especially within the

confines of hustle culture, right?

Because we're not, you know,
it's not supposed to feel good.

It's work.

No, I'm throwing it out.

I'm, I'm rewriting rescripting this.

So one of the exercises, if you will,
that we went through this week was all

around establishing your core values.

Like just digging level down, level
down, level down until you really

get to the why of what drives you.

And so I went through the steps this
week and this is a, a much longer process

than we have time for in a, in a podcast.

But I think it would be fun if we wanna
take like one thing you want and just

like drill for a quick second to see if
we can get into kind of a core value of

Matthew to see if we can assign that to

Okay.

Let's,

So that way you and I kind of begin
to have an idea of our buffs about

what types of work we're, gonna
be going after that are gonna be

the right match for our energy.

So if you can, what's
something you want, Matt?

I want to have a home with my wife.

And I, and I want that to be
like the coolest us thing.

Already our apartment is an
extension of us, but I want there

to be absolutely no hesitations.

Like she's an extremely frugal person.

She can be very thrifty.

She does that for fun.

I don't want her to have to be frugal.

Like I want to just dream it up.

Is that, does that fit
into what you're asking me?

I love this so much and the, like,
you're without even being asked to the

fact that you're already visualizing it.

Yeah I for sure.

You

This is where with, again, within the
confines of this here podcast, you can

be as specific as you do or don't want.

For anybody listening at home if
you wanna go through this exercise,

the more specific and the more of
what Matt just did, the better.

Like, if it's a house, go room
by room and talk about the style

of kitchen that you want and what
you would do with your bonus room.

And is there outdoor space and what
colors would you put on the wall and

what artwork would you adorn and, and
what is gonna make your house special?

What's the thing that when I arrive,
I'm gonna say, if you and Lindsay

weren't there to greet me, I would know
that this is Matt and Lindsay's house.

So this is what you want.

This is what you were holding
space for in your life.

Why do you want that, Matt?

I want that because I feel like
there are, things that are kind of

adult things and there are things
that , I just don't, I don't have

a lot of adult things in my life.

I have my own business.

I guess that's kind of it.

I feel like having a home
that could call my own.

I'm ready to take that
on, I think in my life.

And I'm ready to walk out into
my yard and say, That's on me.

If it doesn't get done, that's like,
I'm ready for that responsibility.

And I think, I think that would be nice.

So based on the lovely word picture
that you painted us in question one,

Mm-hmm.

You have this, okay?

It's here.

You have the keys, you and Lindsay are
in, you're working on making this mark.

Tell me about the feelings that
that's gonna bring you to have this.

Okay.

I think the feelings
are gonna be security.

Okay.

I think.

I think it's also going
to imply something else.

So in my mind, like I can dream
big, I can dream super big, but

I'm also not an extravagant person.

Which is nice, lucky for me.

But I feel like a house also
signifies a, more secure future.

If it's the house that I want where
I walk in, it has like hardwood

floors and it, and it probably
is Victorian style in my mind.

But inside it can be super modern
and it can have all the technology,

you know, kind of wrapped within.

And I walk in, I start
talking to some robot.

Martini time.

How are you?

How was your day?

Welcome home.

Uh, no, but that, that I would,
that I would walk in and I could

just see, that it felt, it feels
like the homes that I've had in my

past where I felt at home, you know?

Okay, here we go.

When I got married, I didn't think
marriage was gonna change anything.

It just just didn't matter.

Like, whatever, it's,
how's a paper gonna change?

But it really does.

I can't even put a finger on it.

It's just a grounding.

And I think that if I walk into the
foyer of my house, that opens up into a

living room with a fireplace, probably.

And then the, dining room into a
kitchen, a big kitchen that can actually

fit more than one person at a time.

Like that would be super grounding to me.

Again, a very subtle difference.

Cause I'm happy now.

I'm happy where I live.

I'm happy.

I, I I have what I need.

I don't need anything.

And yet I bet I would feel the difference.

I really would.

I bet I feel the subtle difference and
that's what I would really love to have.

Is that a good answer?

I'm not being a petulant toddler.

Why do you want that?

Why do I want the grounding?

Okay.

I want the grounding because I
feel like kids of divorce maybe

feel a little bit un-moored, right?

I'm gonna say maybe kids whose
parents die feel that way.

I feel like there could be something
I could lean into and relax into if I

had the wherewithal to envision this
place that was super safe and super

secure and it meant a future, right?

And the other year during the pandemic,
the pandemic where we couldn't go

anywhere, we got a Christmas tree.

And I just felt this like, level
of relaxation, this level of

contentment because you know, parents
got divorced, went to art school,

didn't have money, went on the road,
spent years without really a home.

I never felt like I missed anything.

But then got married, started to feel that
something that you can lean into like a

rock, which I feel like I was missing.

So to me, having a home with Lindsay
would be another, level of that rock.

Do I still need to answer why?

So I, I, I won't, I won't, torture
you anymore on mic, but but this

is exactly how you come up with
your core values is that you, you

keep, you start with a big idea.

Why do I want that?

What will that bring me?

What will I feel like when I have it?

Why is that important to me?

And you just keep asking why.

I'm not gonna tell you
what your core values are.

I'm hearing a lot of the same
words repeated now, especially

the deeper into this we've
gotten most recently contentment.

And that makes total sense knowing
you and Lindsay and, and the

type of lifestyle that really
meshes with you and who you are.

I'm hearing a lot about security.

I'm hearing a lot about feeling grounded.

That's important for us to know,
I think as business partners, as

friends, is that like, these are
the things that make us tick.

I am swirling when I am
not feeling grounded.

It's probably why you and
Lindsay were drawn to each other.

You know, it's like all of these
different things, it explains so much.

And so not to go too you know, meta on
all of this in this podcast, but like,

I think the better we can get to know
ourselves, the better we can answer that

question that I pose at the very top of
it, which is, how do we come resistant to,

damages and what are these natural buffs?

And for me, the answer is
going to circle back to

What's your

core

to, you know, what's your core value?

so,

So eventually, like if, if we
did keep asking that question,

I would eventually hit

Well, Where you can't any further.

Are there some on, on a list that are like
definitive meaning like are there five and

so eventually I would hit one of those?

or, or.

In the exercises that I'm going
through, in the work that I'm doing,

we've been, we've been tasked with
coming up with between five and eight.

I'll share with the listeners if it's,
interesting, I came up with a list

of seven was what I got to and my
seven core values as I see it right

now, are magic, community acceptance,
spirit, ease, creativity, and love.

When I think about all of that,
that influences and I think that we

will get to the place where we are
creating our best work, if I can

remember these core values and say,
does this bring magic into my life?

Mm.

Does this does this
bring love into my life?

Is there a community in this?

So that's a really big answer for a
really big question that's probably,

you know, chewier than we intended.

Um, but it's also, it's also the real
answer, you know, So I don't wanna

I, I think it does fit in because it,
it's, again, I think one thing that

probably people with ADHD have at least
I do, is, the inability to prioritize

the executive dysfunction, right?

To not know the difference
between this task and this task.

Right?

So You're, you're doing what I was talking
about earlier with just plain energy.

You are even refining that to,
you know, okay, fine energy,

fine, but what does that mean?

Well, the energy, is this something
that you're, you're going to be

drawn to those core values, like you
said, you're gonna be drawn to those

even when you're exhausted, right?

You can move forward and, and, and
find those and, and get, and get to

the places that you might need to be
if you are moving in that direction.

And so, yeah, that that makes total sense,

When I am exhausted, these are the
feelings that will reinvigorate me.

Not even the ones I will be willing
to do, exhausted, but the ones that

will then turn that spark back on.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Be my, and be my why's, right?

I mean, that's what a core
value is is it's your why.

Like why was I put here?

What is my purpose?

All of those different things.

It's your driving motivating force.

And I think that there will be uh,
intersections and similarities.

You know, especially when we talk
about the ones around fun and D&D

and, you know, self discovery and
exploration and, things like that.

You get queued up with the
people you're supposed to be.

And we were all supposed
to play D&D together.

We will in the meantime find alignment
in gigs that make us feel grounded.

That's gonna be more and more important
I think, as we get older and as

we're looking through all of these,
big movements that we want to make.

Right.

I

And to tie this all back into D&D

I mean, the whole reason of, you
know, you're in a campaign and you're

traveling through and you're meeting,
you know, the big bad evil guys along

the road and you're fighting, and
that's who's dealing the psychic damage.

You're just trying to level up enough to
live on, to fight another battle, right?

Like it's all, it's all part of
making you stronger so that way you

can continue the journey and fight
through whatever stands in your way.

Um, and these are, that's
what buffs are for.

So you at the end of the day, can take
the psychic damage and still stay standing

Mm-hmm.

fight another day.

To fight another day, we shall.

Thanks for getting weird with me.

That was

Yeah, man.

That That is fun.

Getting weird.

Getting weird with my
friend AK getting here.

Um, you know what we forgot to do though,

We did, We did forget.

I, you know,

You remember every time though.

I am proud of us for remembering this
long and, and you know, I, so there

are other things that we have said that
we were gonna start doing along the

way that fell off after one episode.

So I'm

Because they did not, they didn't
speak to our core values is why.

They didn't speak to our core
values, but this one fit right in.

And so we remembered at the
end of the day, to do it.

And that's what's important.

It was episode number nine with
our, our, our sweet friend Tey,

that we debuted the ADHd100 table.

What'd, What'd you role?

I rolled a 59

All right.

59 oh, oh, I love this question.

I think this might be a Fitz question.

What PC do you wish you'd created?

So either like one of us that
you've played with or in a live

stream that you've watched.

Wow.

That's a good question.

Isn't it.

What PC do I wish that I had created?

You know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna
have to go with the easy answer.

And this is strange because I
don't even know the show that well.

But it's just tough to beat Jester.

It's just to beat Jester.

It really, really is.

Like Jester just immediately fun,
likable, complicated, layered.

Mm-hmm.

It's just, it's just delight.

And we're talking about Jester, a
character created by Laura Bailey of

Critical Role Season Two, The Mighty Nein.

So good?

All right.

Great answer.

Fantastic.

And my role is 18

If you could only roll with one set
of your dice for the rest of your

life, which set would you choose?

Holy.

moly.

And this is a good question for
you, because I have like four

beautiful sets, but you have way
more than that at this point.

You've named your sets,

Yeah.

Well, I buy, I buy my
sets in honor of my care.

Like I see and know like that, that fits
this person, um, or have had them gifted

to me in honor of, uh, of a character.

That's sweet

Um, so I think, I think the set that
I always reach for, is my Sora set.

So they're a beautiful
set from Dispel Dice.

They're just gorgeous, sharp edge resin
dice, and they've got the, like gold mica

flakes, and so they're blue and green.

Sora is of course my little
water genasi, um, swamp creature.

I, do love, I do love dice.

Well, we kinda, you know,
decided to, to beep around and

Today we swung for the fences.

We did.

I, I like it.

We got serious.

We got, we got spiritual, we got spooky.

Oh yeah.

That's, the right vibe for, for October.

It is,

Passes the witchy vibe check.

But it's not, it's really
truly not that woo woo.

Honestly, you're, you're asking
questions that a therapist would ask.

You're asking questions
that friends would ask you.

It's not just because you're, it,
it involves like, being guided

and, thinking about, like bringing
things that you want into reality

doesn't mean it's super woo woo.

That's my, that's my last thought on that.

love that.

Not, there's nothing wrong with woo
woo, I mean, isn't Dungeons & Dragons,

basically as woo woo as you can go oo

Whoa.

Woo Girl, out.

Woo.

Woo out

Does applause have some Woo woo.

The first thing I heard was woo!

we go.

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