Ready to go? No. Are

we gonna do it anyways?

Yes.

(Laughter)

Hi,Alison.

Hi, Matt. Ooh, that felt right. That's

right. That's right.

Oh, man, it's 2020,

motherfriiiing. Five, everyone.

Five of lives.

We love the world as we know it And I'm

glad I've got good friends

That's true.

That's true. You know, that is so

freaking true. If nothing else. Look,

number one, if nothing else,

if you don't have good friends, you all

make it. Treat yourself. This year. Treat

yourself. Get some good

friends. Get some good-ass friends.

But it is a brand-new season.

Season four.

How did we do this? How did two people--

We are closing in on 50 episodes. Boing.

I think we were at either 46 or 47 with

the end of last season.

Even the light, 2024.

Even the light, yeah, we made it into the

high 40s, so we will be celebrating our

50th episode in here, and we're gonna get

a few more. 50 episodes of what, Matt?

Well, 50 episodes ofADHd20 which is a

podcast that finds the

intersection between ADHD.

And TTRPGs. That's right,Alison

Yeah. That's exactly what it does. Two

people who have ADHD. Yeah. Getting

something done. Getting something done.

Getting something done.

Hands if you're in

cities if you will.

Yeah, it's body doubling.

This is our sit-in

Yes, it's our therapy.

It's our it's our work session

Matt and I are I'm gonna use this term

very loosely adults With ADHD

Who were diagnosed as adults so if this

is the first episode that you're ever

listening to welcome, we're glad you're

here Yes, and so it's kind of a a self

exploration journey for each of us that

we invite you to go on

With us and for yourself. Yeah

Yes. Wow.

Well said exactly And that journey is

continuing this year in 2025 We have a

lot of dreams a lot of goals and as you

know I'm just gonna start off at the

beginning as you know, if you also have

ADHD It's quite possible that you you're

immediately scoffing by saying goals and

No, freaking way and

you could be right because

We have the best intentions But we don't

call them resolutions. We don't call them

resolutions. That's the that's the thing

man So we're already a step ahead in my

book We like to call them themes

And what is our theme for 2025 that we

agreed upon last episode aka

mama Mastery,

that's right We're gonna master some shit

Master some shit this year

past going to have included magic

More yes last year and I think that's how

we landed on mastery just to kind of

catch you up real quick as we Last year

tried a lot of different things in that

theme of more We were just drinking from

the fire hose for most of 2024 The things

that you've heard us talk about in the

past that we have struggled with we are

you know Ready to take steps forward and

get better at the things that you know We

already know that we love we want to

become Top of our you know top of the

class Yes top tier talent in

the way we're we're probably going to

revisit some things that we already have

dealt with Because guess what we're still

doing But I promise that we won't use the

exact same words when we

talk about these things

well try not to We did

Is a lot of times we forget what we said

out loud and what was just rattling

around in the echoes of our own brain

space and so Sorry about

it if we repeat ourselves

So somehow and I don't know how We kind

of pigeonholed ourselves

into talking about only ADHD and

TTRPGs right and we want to branch out a

little bit We want to talk about for some

things all things all the things near all

the Neurodivergent things yep, certainly

all the all the things about perhaps

silent disabilities and loud disabilities

Interruptive Yeah, no disruptive

Well, there's just so many interesting

people yeah that have come into our lives

in the last four years and Those people

may or may not have ADHD and that does

not mean that they shouldn't be on this

podcast talking to us so hopefully more

guests and There's all manner of other

things beyond TTRPGs. I guess I mean, I

don't know what they are yet, but but

there's probably something

For us it's it's it always comes back to

what we are learning here, right? Like

what are what are we learning? Are we

learning about the game? Are we learning

about our brains? Are we learning and so

there's lots of people in the world that

can help us with these things continue to

help and then yes Ak we we

we're gonna try something today

Just

Gonna try something today that is An

immediate kind of step out. I Kind of

surprised a K balance again minutes ago

with this to see Whether it could be a

fun thing But those of you who have who

have watched since episode 1 ofADHd20 you

you would be able to follow Allison's

incredible path of self

Improvement and self reflection and self

Understanding and so on and so forth and

a lot of that we've made fun of by using

the words woo-woo But I think that we are

taking that word back.

Oh, I Is not

it is not derogatory and anyway and in

fact, we're gonna try to lean into it a

little bit this year

Woo and every Meaning

of that word possible.

Yes in 2025 Yes, and it for those who are

are are hearing this and or watching this

and saying oh man No, that's it. Yeah

turning off. Don't do it because The

thing in my toolkit is is is not as

woo-woo. It's true if that really bugs

you but it shouldn't

Yeah Or know that there was a time when

somebody would say Woo-woo shit to me

that I would turn them off and look sure

now. Yeah, I can change I can go look at

me now or do because I think that's

another part of the woo-woo toolkit as

Reckon like not everything is for

everybody right and so I'm done fighting

Like yeah, if it doesn't interest you if

it interests you I love having you here

and if it doesn't interest you I respect

that Yeah, and hope that you still

respect me and to Matt's point. There are

other very non woo-woo things that will

surface Mm-hmm, but now right now I

respect youAlison

I respect you Matthew. Thank you

Glad we got that light inside me.

What's that honors the light inside me?

I thought you said insight me like you

wanted me to roll an

insight check Well, that

is a fun thing that we could try if we

ever need to We have an entire channel

called the pocket dimension where we we

talk about every single thing TTRPG So

there is absolutely no way You're gonna

get away with hearing this podcast where

we're not gonna mention some kind of

tabletop role-playing game Yeah, maybe we

need to start inciting each other. Oh, I

got a four. I have no idea

whether yeah, I got 18 Okay

Do you respect me? I

think I do really do.

I really really think you do. I believe

you fully even without that role That

would have been a moment and in TTRPG

world when like the GM would say like I'm

just gonna give you this for free Yeah,

that's good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. See

we can we can relate everything to

Neurodivergence and or TTRPG is without

even working at it at this point. Yes So

yes, so something is going to take a

backseat a little bit this year We might

see less of the ADHD 100 table.

We might Mm-hmm.

Hey, we've gotten to know each other

incredibly well and have hopefully let

y'all get to know us Well as well. Well,

well, well We're not we're not killing it

completely but we're gonna save it this

season For guests because it's a great

way to get to know you. So tell us how

that feels, you know, well listen We're

malleable we try and be at least yes, so

if that doesn't sit right in your soul, I

want to know about it Yeah, but yeah,

we're gonna do instead whatever. Well, I

want you to because it's your idea Oh, so

I'm not gonna sit here and take credit

for that. You're gonna tell

us what we're gonna do it.

Yes Okay in a case whoo-woo journey. She

has found a Really beautiful focusing

tool Weird right weird, right in the form

of an ancient sort of divination

Am I am I saying this

right like a divination

Practice yeah practice practice. Thank

you. That's even better called the tarot

and I Think tarot is really hot right now

so the other month I was in a bar and We

were having a drink and then somebody

walked up and said hey We're doing tarot

card ratings in the back and I said great

that we did did you go get a tarot card

right? I did of course

So it's really hot right now and it I

don't think anybody believes that we can

predict the future But it is like many

many things journaling meditation Prayer

pretty much any spiritual practice you

The purpose is to get to know yourself is

to get yourself out of the day to day

Right like is to focus on

Something and have that something

Be just enough out of the

norm that kind of washes over you

exactly and because what all of these are

is as a call to presence so tarot is not

about Seeing the future right a there's I

mean I believe in kind of like a

limitless timeline approach to time

wibbly wobbly time you I mean us

personally Yeah, we're too and also time

is weird soup and also Free wills at

play, baby. So like I can't discern the

future I'd you know, like we can talk

about like what steps are most probable

that I or anybody else will take But

there's always outside factors Weighing

in on that so I can leave the house with

the intent of arriving on time but I am

at the mercy of the other drivers on the

road and the Animal that tries to cross

the street and you know anything else

that can do that Just

say real quick. Sorry to interrupt may I

say right? It just means so much to me to

have a friend that believes in free will

Dude do people know

this is news to me. Yeah.

Yeah I've known people who swear that

there's no such thing as as free will and

Look if that's if that's your thing Yay

for you. I just I Love free will I love

it. I love the concept of it If it all

ends up being science and chemicals,

that's also okay. But

until then I Love it.

I so here's the thing and you know, this

is knowing my wound as I absolutely

believe in things like fate and destiny

And like I believe we have soulmates. I

believe we have lots of soulmates I do

not believe in a singular soulmate. I'm

into that and again that is impacted by

free will So you might be predestined to

be with somebody to spend this mortal

life, you know in someone's arms And then

their free will might be like me. Yeah

But then guess what the universe is gonna

show up for you in other ways and like

there will be others So it like so like

nothing is ever an ending I don't think

it's just the beginning of something else

and life catches us off guard life caught

both of us very off-guard a lot Last year

it did over and over and over and Is

already doing that again this year. My

life right now does not look how I

thought it was Unfolding.

Mm-hmm. And that's okay.

My favorite. My favorite golf does is not

named the same thing

that it was last year

I'm gonna exercise my free will on that

much like the Associated Press Look

there's just one and man am I bummed

I thought you said golf at first and I

was like do I even know him?

You guys clocked that those of you

watching this and not just listening but

I was having like a little crisis The

word golf before you as a favorite golf

Types of golf. I mean there's putt putt

and yep normal. So I guess that's two

types of golf. There's I guess disc

pickle pickle ball golf pickle Celebrity

golf

celebrity golf Mm-hmm. Yeah.

No, so so taro like any other tool that

one might choose. I am never using Taro

to see the future. Yeah I use it as a

what I mostly say is I use it as a

discernment tool It's great if you're any

like decision-making deadlock Yeah, and

that's what like my whole journey has

been about is that like if you're stuck

thinking Constantly about either the past

or the future. Yeah, that is putting a

lot on your nervous system And so taro

and other tools get you into the present

moment. What am I experiencing right now?

Yeah, what do I have the power to?

Manipulate or change right?

That's what there is for

yes And I I think do have a wide variety

of tools in your toolkit is is important

So I I personally think that it should be

a spiritual one in your tool. Yeah and I

think honestly especially if you have

ADHD and you and you're you live with

this and you know Some things are easier

for other people than they are for you

and and it gets you down It brings you it

brings you down to have a toolkit that

has something to help you with

spirituality and and and feeling better

about yourself is something like a Task

system a system a productivity system

that you can lean into and when it's

tough a exercise probably or

or at least something that is

That will get you up get you out

Whether that's going to the gym or

Thursday night trivia, you know, whatever

it is It's out and about and that's also

a you need a social system And that's why

we play D&D and yeah dagger heart and all

of the games that you love. These are all

tools for us yeah, and so that's kind of

what today is about

but I'm psyched because

You want to we're gonna read some cards

for this year We're

gonna read some freakin car

very apparent to everybody watching and

listening this was all Matt's idea

What yes, it was it was it was my idea

because I've just seen look I've said it

before I'll say it again Your growth as a

human being is inspiring

Pronounced it's it's it's all hard work

and and I I have to attribute both this

podcast you and me they're biasing but

also your You know this thing that you

found this woo-woo, you know, and and

you've always been a

spiritual person, right?

And So this is this is just this is not

really any different for you It's just a

different mechanism right that fits in To

everything and I said gosh darn it it it

should fit in to Audie HD 20 is what I

think so and and The tarot deck that

you'll be using for these readings

is D&D tarot

And

I really want one because

I feel super left out I'm

gonna take care of that you will have one

my birthday in June you're gonna have one

by by this time next week I'm gonna go to

the early stage here part of me now is

you know, like can we just like pause

real quick? So I can go send it to you.

I'll wait till we're done recording I

actually fits also has this deck that I

also bought for her So and when we're

together in person fits

our our lore keeper Oh, man

This year I also my toolkit I'm gonna

have to work out still have

this darn thing broken anyway

It's our Lord keeper is we whenever we're

together in person fits pulls a card. I

believe every day. I don't even do that

She's beating me there. But like when

we're together, especially we like to

pull cards We did a really cool little

like at that midnight on New Year's Eve

We were together with our friend drew and

we were like pulling cards for the year

at midnight It was really cool and really

like fun way to usher it in. So yeah,

whatever it is Get yourself some kind of

physical token to like ground you in the

present moment because I think that's

really what my I Used to make so many

just I wasn't even making decisions. I

was just so ruled by my broken nervous

system Yeah that everything felt broken

and hard And it was when I started to

kind of like tie these like grounding

Things which like but like and it doesn't

have to be I mean meditation I think it's

great but meditations about like feeling

the mat beneath you and like paying

attention to your breath So there are

very physical components of meditation

for sure You know, so it can be

divination rods and

pendulums and crystals

Something as simple as journaling I think

you mentioned like yes and

paper You know or for keyboard

Tablets so we're gonna we're gonna start

pulling a card this this Episode's a

little wonky and all over the place

because it's the first one and we're okay

with that But I think we will start

future episodes for this We will start

the The episodes of the season pulling a

card kind of like for the week the

episode for Matt and I but I also today

We're gonna do a little special thing

where I'm gonna pull a card each for me

and Matt But first of all, I'm gonna pull

a card for the episode

the episode card if you will

and So this is just kind of like I like

to use you know A good thing when you're

starting like what should I be focusing

on like what are my

guides want me to know?

Mm-hmm.

I believe that we have this like

entourage around us all our spirit guides

our team then that is kind of Headed up

by the the HB I see your higher self

Told I'm going full. Whoa you guys. Hey,

man and so You know a lot your spirit

guys are out there when you learn to pay

attention to them and listen to them They

have a lot to say but man most of us just

choose to walk around this life with

blinders on And so a lot of times I'll

ask the question like what did my guys

want me to know right now? Matt tell me

when just to whenever feels good

When okay

Interesting we use okay. So what's really

special about this D&D tarot deck that my

good friend Megan who is also one of our

listeners Gifted to me and I think it's a

very very beautiful deck. It has like a

good like feeling It's like a you know,

kind of textured linen II card. Yeah And

but so instead of the the way that tarot

is built is you have the the first 22

cards or the major arcana And then you

have what are called minor

arcana, which are four suits

And a numbers of each so the four suits

are let's see if I can do this without

looking our cups Pinnacles swords and

wands right in the D&D tarot deck those

four Suits are replaced by wisdom

intelligence strength and charisma.

That's fun And so one thing about tarot

is it's a little the practice is a little

different for everybody So the way that

you read tarot may be different from the

way that I read tarot and that's okay Um

So the way that I read tarot I've kind of

telegraphed Each of these suits into

these these traits. So I call strength

wands. I call intelligence swords I call

wisdom coins and I call charisma cups. Oh

Bringing you you get to choose that in

the D&D deck you get to make those you

Like and so if you Google it, so I break

from conventional wisdom here Okay, Fitz

and I do not agree on this by the way and

again That's okay Cuz it's important for

me to have a practice that I understand

that fits well with my soul and fits to

have the same Fresh the way that most of

the internet has telegraphed these is

that charisma? I'm sorry that wisdom is

cups and charisma is coins But I've been

flipped that because that's what works in

my head so cups is all about like your

intuition creativity feelings and

emotions, yeah, and Coins is all about

finances work and like the material world

Which is why for me wisdom ties to that a

little bit better Okay, because your

wisdom is the thing that's kind of like

piloting you through all of this Whereas

your intuition and your creativity for me

is tied to charisma Now what's really

interesting about this though is I tend

to play high charisma characters Yes, it

tends to play high wisdom characters

interesting and so it's what like again

Make it work for you like hack the system

to put it in some at words like You do

get to choose Wands are all about like

energy and passion It's kind of the fiery

Which is why I think that's a good like

strength because we can be talking about

like physical strength and strength of

mind And then intelligence which is

swords is about first of all that's air,

but it's also like thoughts It's about

words and actions and things like that.

And I think that that is

and that's swords swords

Yeah cups is water Wands are fire And

coins are earth Cool and swords are air

The sword So anyways, I Here's the card

the card that I pulled for us for this

episode is like the theme of the episode

Okay, this is creepy Matt. See the cards

tell the story just like

the dice tell the story. Okay

So the first thing that you look at when

you're reading so we got the eight of

wisdom, right? Which

for me is eight of coins

Each of the numbers means something

different you have ace through ten and

then you have the Knights and pages and

kings and queens So each of those numbers

means something as does the Knight the

page the king and the queen eights are

about mastery No, I'm not kidding like

you can go Google that

That's weird that's weird

That's really really weird a Great

wonderful way Wow But that's what I'm

telling you is like I think that like

spirit is all around us like driving

things and you know Like so it makes

sense for me like when I get these cards

There was a period not long ago where I

just kept pulling the same card over and

over again Like what are of a 78 card

deck? Why would I keep pulling the same

card over and there's nothing different

about the cards weight or it's not Bent

on the edges like I have no idea when I'm

Shuffling and feeling and I'm getting

that card and I kept turning that card

and that's usually like the universe

trying to get your attention Right. Yeah,

so eights are about mastery about action

and about accomplishment

Okay Wisdom is about finances about work

about material possession and my reading

of it So I think that this is and I mean

I love the art of the card So when I read

Tarot the best thing to do is like if

you're interested in this like Find a

deck that speaks to you like find a store

that you can go like that has like sample

decks open that you can like Feel in

touch and find artwork that speaks to you

and I because the art is what's gonna

kind of like lead you Yeah And so what we

have going on and with this guy is he's

planting something in the ground and you

can like depending on your perspective Is

he stuck or is he planting is he growing

like and this is where that like mastery

and accomplishment comes up, right?

Because he is now like leveling up and

we've got a bright sunshine Around him

what this says to me. This is somebody

who is reaping what he has sewed and in

this case himself or themself, right?

Wow he's Growing he is he's

yeah, and so the better you come to know

yourself Which is what like we started

out this this this episode is like this

is how Matt and I have like come home to

ourselves Have come to know ourselves

more deeply and in doing so that really

has been what the spiritual practice has

been about has been about like Learning

to love myself, but like truly becoming

my own friend becoming my own advocate

becoming my own pal And so I just think

that it's incredibly interesting that as

we talk about, you know typically

speaking at the top of a year at the top

of the season you're We to use the dirty

words will set the goals will make the

resolutions Right and this is kind of

reminding us that the more that we can

stay grounded physically as he is In the

world around us grounded in our community

grounded in what is working focusing on

that instead of the lack

And then mastering that rising attaining

fulfilling all of

those different things man

So yeah So we won't go this deep in depth

every every episode ofADHd20 the season

is not gonna be like a full

Ontario guard reading Right.

No, don't worry

everybody if you're worried

if you're worried We just thought it

would be fun for this one, but this is

like what I'll do So I always pull on

Sundays just kind of like look ahead at

my week. I Do pull when I'm experiencing

something good or bad Like I said, I use

it as a decision-making tool. So a lot of

times it'll be like What does path a look

like? What is the most like because

again, I can't tell the future But like

what is the most likely outcome of path a

what is the most likely outcome of path

B? Can you help me

decide and things like that?

Oh Can I also say for those of you who might

be listening to this right now and saying

man My favorite freaking podcast is just

going to the dogs. Let me just say

That what you just said is

Absolutely applicable to rolling dice,

which is fate rolling randomness it is

absolutely like It is absolutely

applicable then to ADHD It's self where

we do not have the greatest ability to

choose What is next in the priority list?

We don't have that and what do I do when

I get stuck? Well soon and I'm gonna have

a tarot deck, but but yeah, I roll

freaking dice I signed things to a list I

number them and I and I say hey look

let's go man. Okay, I'll do that next

Yeah, this is this is what we're talking

about This is why I wanted to do this

because yeah, I knew that this is what

you do It's it's about it's not just whoa

whoa It's like it's it's helping with

decision making which is crazy hard for

us. Yeah, please continue Thank you.

Well and to that I mean yeah, I even do

this with friends now You know where we

can't decide where we're gonna eat and

we've narrowed it down to two options

I'll say great evens are Mexican odds are

sushi and we roll a dice and then that

way like there's no like I didn't get my

way. There's no executive dysfunction

analysis paralysis my

coach Who everybody knows Britney Smith?

She calls it a willpower juice and That

we we not only have less of it in her

brains. Yeah We also use

it up far quicker And so

we have like one of those big Boba straws

that we're drinking our Our story when

everybody else has like the tiny like

standard issue straw.

We just got a brain full of

tapioca. Yeah Yeah, we're just oh

And that's that's that's

our willpower that's good.

Did you take go-go juice?

I Said willpower juice, but I'll go juice

better. I like go-go

juice better. Boba Boba go go

Tpp tpp t are amazing. Yeah, I love that

Drinking going through life drinking

drinking our willpower

juice through a boba straw Oh

That is so good. Okay, so this is just

for episode one season for not gonna do

this every single time But I also wanted

to pull a card each for me and Matt.

Okay, so tell me when when

Okay And then this one's

gonna be for me feels good

Holy Holy smokey's Okay So you my little

friend this is kind of we'll call this

your theme It doesn't have to be for the

whole year can be for whatever amount of

time feels good to you You got the nine

of intelligence Okay So we've

got we've got some tentacles

We've got a mind flayer

Back here

Are they do they care good? Look look

look at this is you this is not you this

is you no, no Yes, yes. Okay. So for

those of you still consuming

this podcast in an audio format

What we have going on in this nine of

intelligence, which would be the nine of

swords in standard tarot Is we've got

what looks like not just the mind flayer

But a whole mess of horrors going on in

the background of this cards And in the

foreground we have somebody who is like

Meditating super hard, but they look

super relaxed Like you can tell like it

look in that facial expression like no

straining going on what's that's a dr.

Strange chill

Yeah, exactly So nines are about if we

think about like 10 10 is kind of like

completion of the cycle, right? So like

eight and nine lead up to that 10 is when

we complete the cycle But nine is when we

like attain the thing we desire the thing

that we want Swords are about like our

thoughts and our actions as words. So

this is somebody who is truly learning

how to master Like all of the swirling

head trash that goes on and not just head

trash But like what's going on in the

world around them and is

able to say like I see you Okay

And just kind of like keep breathing

through that Which I think is a beautiful

like I Need that I need that car, right?

You are becoming that card map. I don't

need it. You are that I think it's an

interesting thing to like Look at through

the lens of our ADHD, right? It's like

all of the tools that you're putting in

your toolkit are truly teaching you how

to Like shut out all the distractions

because a lot of it is just noise and you

only like you are the one who gets to

like decide what you're

gonna allow in How cool is that?

I know that you know me and because we

work together and on to to full-time

jobs, but I don't know whether You know

exactly How true that card is right this

minute? It really like genuine is super

tough for me because I was struggling to

to build that toolkit Which is always

maybe not a bad place, but it's a

complicated place because it it it

becomes my hyper focus to adjust the

tools if I if I feel that they're not

working and to either refined some or get

back to some or whatever but

It usually means and I'm it's it's an

unproductive time for me. It's a It's a

winter time. It's a it's a darker time

and especially especially with the world

is now and Trying to shut that out but

not shut it out but be of but not not in

in some ways Wow, that's

really cool. I love it.

And I see you as being kind of a high

intelligence Like you are very thoughtful

one of the most thoughtful people that I

know you understand like the weight of

Words, you know and like if swords are

about thoughts and actions right like

marrying those two things together you

more than a lot of people

that I know understand like

The weight of both of those things and

how your actions and thoughts and words

and you know Impact other people and so

you're very mindful of it Which is a

beautiful way to be but then we can't be

so mindful of other people's space that

we don't make space for

ourselves Amen, that's

that is that is my challenge. So that is

that is what I've yep So

that was your card and then my card I got

the night of charisma I I am like a

magnet for cups and traditional and

charisma and and D&D tarot Like it's it's

uncanny how often I pull that suit and it

like and it's interesting especially for

me because cups water I'm a cancer like

ultimate water sign. I am Highly

emotional. I am very much fueled by my

feelings, but I also like I'm Very quick

to like snap into my shell And not want

to leave it either. But anyways, so I

love that. I'm always forever pulling the

cup suit intuition feelings emotions

Knights are a Younger more adolescent

like if you think we've got like Knights

and Kings and we have pages and Queens

like yeah The Knights and the pages tend

to represent a more youthful Adolescent

energy for better or for worse like

sometimes it's good to have young energy

and things to drive things forward

Whereas the Kings and the Queens tend to

be more stuck in their ways

But that also comes with its set of

downsides because they can pop off more

easily So maybe they are not you know as

grounded as they can and should be which

is Very much me, but I love this card

specifically in this deck is of how

freaking weird it is We have a we have a

construct We have a clank to put it into

dagger heart term. Yes Is what we have

here. So we have this like eyeball

Mechanization machine thing with some

like spectral wings Going on behind it

like dipping it. What is that like a

honeypot? Like what's

going on down there?

Is it a honeypot? Is it molten lava?

Is it molten lava? They're like part of

their stand is made up of books, you

know, so we have this kind of like high

fantasy We've got all of these like are

they wine bottles or are they potions?

You know, we got gear going on. It's like

an imaginative, you know dreamscape or

hellscape depending on the day and I

think that like what this card is saying

for me more than anything else is just

I'll let my freak flag fly like stop

trying to button it up for other people's

comfort like stops trying to you know Be

a normie and just accept the fact

wait when When when

have you been a normie?

I've never I I care to an obnoxious

degree what other people think I've never

tried to be a normie But I have

definitely spent a lot of like time

trying to be like palatable and fit in

Mmm, and the thing is is that nobody

likes everybody like Mmm, and everybody

doesn't like somebody and so like they're

gonna be people out there who just simply

aren't gonna like me. Um, and Standing a

little bit, you know worrying less about

what other people think of me as part of

my decision-making process. Mm-hmm

It's hard to read cards for yourself and

it's even harder to read cards for

yourself publicly publicly So if you have

anything you would like to

add I'll shut up now feel free

No, I mean I think as you know, I get I

don't know if I could really I can't

really go into it But I I feel like

that's pretty appropriate Right now,

yeah, yeah, so That I prove those are

some tools in my toolkit. I we in our

beautiful discord a little shameless plug

here We have a channel called a case we

we will corner And I will happily pull

cards for anybody anytime

So if you have a question you just slide

on in there and you ask me and we will

see man We'll see what the card say you

have you you just latched on to this so

quickly like I didn't

though Oh, I had decks of cards for years

that I never picked up That collected

dust on a shelf that I knew I wanted like

I felt a pull towards and I knew I wanted

to read tarot But it was a like I kept

burying it deeper and deeper and didn't

pick it up and didn't practice it cuz if

at first I was like it's memorization.

Yeah, I don't want to memorize things

Well, it's it's so funny because it's It

is like being a game master and that you

have to you have to know the rules enough

to To learn when you can break them To

learn when you can break them and and

also to to make to get to the point where

you you can be Natural and you can speak

and you can make yeah, you can make

decisions that you have. Yeah Yeah, that

fit the people that

you're talking to Playing with

yeah, and I used to do that

About all things spiritually. I like I've

been into spiritual things. I Mean really

since college like yeah Interested in

aware of but I I thought I didn't realize

how much we can be our own channels for

the divine whoo Everybody has get these

gifts There's it like it is how much you

want to tap into them and like I learn

them and master them but it was years

between me like showing an interest and

like Dibble dabbling and actually doing

something about it in true ADHD

Yeah, and in beautiful ADHD fashion full

ADHD fashion. Yeah I'm on

board man. I am I am 200% on board

Whoo, whoo. Yeah, we're not

having a case we will corner

Well on that in a case

Fun land.

Yeah, I mean look toolkits again. I I

urge you you being Anyone who's listening

I urge you to hear whatAlison is saying

and say oh, yeah That's like blank for

me. Mm-hmm, whether you're practicing it

now or whether you have

practiced it in the past. Yeah, I

Feel like I have powers when I do blank

Mm-hmm you there's something I promise

you I promise you I I don't

care you could be the most

Self-negative violent person towards

yourself But there is something in your

life Maybe it was when you were 10. Maybe

it was Dungeons and Dragons. I don't know

but whatever that thing is Life is tough

right now for a lot of folks Why not find

the things that make you feel like you

have magical powers? period

Without shame without any of that stuff

Well, yeah, I think that was where it was

somewhere around 2020 That I really like

took off with all of like the spiritual

stuff. Mm-hmm Because yeah, there's a lot

out there that's toxic positive

positivity And so what spirituality is

not is it is not encouraging you to not

feel your feelings What is the big

spiritual thing that we all love to say

is like where your focus goes your energy

flows? Pay attention to what you're

focusing on This is why social media can

be incredibly dangerous because it's

constantly like putting these things In

front of our faces that are bad and it's

doom and it's gloom and it's terrible and

it's awful I'm not saying that like there

are atrocities happening every second in

our world right now and I am by no means

saying like don't pay attention But if

that's all you're giving your focus to

what this practice has been about for me

is like paying attention to my own words

So when some it's as simple as when

somebody asks you how are you doing?

If my answer is always I'm so stressed.

I'm so tired and that was always my

answer Yeah for many many many many years

if you said I also hey So much going on

yeah, and even if you don't necessarily

mean it that negatively it's like oh my

god I've got so much going on but the

more you tell yourself you tell that

story Yeah, like the busier you feel so

one thing I did at the beginning of my

spiritual practice is I abolished the

word Busy from my vocabulary. I was no

longer allowed to tell myself or anybody

else that I was busy Because busy had

taken on such a negative

connotation in my life, right?

We talk about this a lot in terms of like

the justice the injustices that we feel

as neurospicy types And how we might feel

them a little bit harder with our brains.

Yeah, so like Paying attention to words

like that of like busy busy work. Why am

I doing this? I'm grinding. It's hard. It

hurts I'm stressed like mm-hmm. So

instead like It's not a fake it till you

make it it's not a toxic positive Ben,

but it's like Instead of saying busy my

days are full You know like finding those

like little micro tweaks that we can make

daily and then eventually you've you stop

needing to say I'm busy you start saying

I have a lot going on. That's really

exciting. Can I tell

you about it? Yeah right

So Starting there starting with the I'm

not telling you to ignore your feelings

when you're sad Please feel sad when

you're angry is feeling a no problem. No

problems there, but it stopped dwelling

in the anger Don't be angry for weeks and

weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks and

weeks on that Don't let

it be beat you if you can yeah, like

don't let it don't let it if you can if

you can yeah you know

Life is like life can be hard. It can be

sad. It can be Frustrating it can be

unfair. It can be all kinds of things But

but yeah, you're right you have tiny

changes that you could yeah make

I gotta put my focus on what feels good

And what feels really good is creating

weird Shit with you guys. Yeah playing

video or video games. Yes, and also

Tabletop role-playing games. Yeah Reading

tarot going on walks, you know playing

music bingo and Thursday nights Yes

Yeah, and I'm excited about this year

Matt if mastery is the word like when you

think when I think of master Like let's

take back that word I know it also has

some negative connotations that we're

aware of But I also think of like a

master carpenter who is at the top of

their game the one that like everybody

wants to study with and learn from and

like all of those people who are at the

top of their game have a toolkit and like

How cool is it that like bit by bit

episode by episode you and I are gonna

build our own tool kits We're gonna

hopefully help and inspire y'all to build

yours and like we're gonna

come out of this year like

different changed like Leveled up we

can't help it. It's just going to happen.

I mean that we're gonna force happens

period. Yeah No, we're going to force you

we're gonna come into

your living room This

has to be a journey that you want to

partake in but like and and hopefully

it'll be a dialogue where we can hear

what? Are in y'all's tool kits

That's super important to me this year if

if possible because I become inspired by

hearing about other people's tool kits

And also, I love talking and thinking

about them. Mm-hmm. It actually helps me

to hear other people's stories and other

people's Findings and other people's

challenges. Sometimes you might save me

time and I because this is our podcast I

kind of feel like I trust y'all more than

Just the blanket internet That

happened in our discord where somebody

was like, oh, but you could go pull up,

you know Google reviews I was like, I

trust anything said in our discord a

million percent more Oh my god, that I

trust some five-star review on some

website If y'all are gonna take the time

to tell me about it. I'm a thousand

percent gonna listen to you I'm

going to I mean we we just had a live

stream today and It's Valentine's Day as

we're recording this and we asked people

for their Valentine's things that they

would send Their Valentine's which is

really just favorite people favorite

podcasts games things that we have never

heard of and I immediately wrote all of

them down I've got a whole ton of lists

now filled with New things that I have to

check out and that's And I know they're

gonna be good and they're in their own

way because I I trust

the people's that And

then that also feeds back into this topic

of like look at all these people focusing

on the things they love. Mm-hmm That's

the whole game you guys if Things are

gonna come into your view that you're not

gonna say cool What do I love?

Yeah

So well you may not I love you

Let's make it creepy as we

We're glad we have permission

toolkits mastery

More guests more episodes more episodes

Uh, these are all the things that are

happening in 20 25 for

20

Well, happy episode one thanks for coming

on our podcast thank you

Podcast.

Thank you. That's what you know, that

that is a good new way to end this. Yeah

Thank you all for coming on our podcast.

Yeah, it doesn't make a lick of sense,

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